Writing Creatively With Spirit

A journey of psychic discovery


Leave a comment

Session 33 – Runes and condoms

June 3rd 2013 (Monday)

Today we played with runes and laughed a lot. Maybe it was the slight increase in number to eight, maybe it was the addition of some male energy in the shape of Tim, or maybe it was the very erotic rune cards and some frisky minds.

 

Open Doors within by Eileen Caddy

Open Doors within by Eileen Caddy

It began when Mary couldn’t find a piece of music she needed. Tim filled in as we waited with a tale about the birds in his garden rejecting the food from Poundland, whereas they gobbled up the stuff from Sainsbury’s. It veered from his impending complaint to the pound store to the gourmet tastes of his birds, and the fact they could be holding meetings to put in a complaint about him etc… etc. It was a good thing Mary had already opened the circle by asking us all to do a prayer; otherwise we may never have got going.

Open Doors within by Eileen Caddy

To bring some order back to the group she read us today’s message from

June 3rd extract from Eileen Caddy's book Open Doors Within

June 3rd extract from Eileen Caddy’s book Open Doors Within

Eileen Caddy’s book Open Doors Within. June 3rd is all about faith, trust and looking for answers in the silence. It’s about being the change on a personal level that you want to see in the world. ‘Get yourself sorted out first,’ she says, then spirit ‘can use you to help and serve your fellow human beings.’

We all said it was true and it had the desired effect of sobering us up for our main activity, which was doing reading from runes.

As not many people remembered to bring their runes Mary decided to do three rune readings for each person in a large group. It was an unusually difficult set to read, and not helped by the fact that the pack contained runes that were not on the key she’d issued us with.

Despite this it was amazing how often two runes came out for different members of the group.

GEBO – It is union, partnership of any sort but you must keep your individuality and self-confidence. For this is the rune of freedom’

THURISAZ – The door is its symbol. Then, observe every moment, every detail. Think it over and get free from your ghosts. Then cross the borders,’

In addition to the two above I also got INGUZ – Claims you to split up relationships or old habits – you are ready for a new start; even for a new child. The meantime could be dangerous. So, keep your good mood.’

In truth it was a little bitty, with people trying to first make out which rune it was and then trying to make sense of the interpretations, some of which was quite brutal. For example, NAUTIZ – ‘Your dark sides block you and make you weak. Investigate what makes you so attractive to bad luck.’

The one that made the most sense to me was INGUZ, especially in light of my dreams about moving and babies.

One member had brought in a set of rune cards. They were much easier to read and had the most beautiful and erotic images. The group erupted again when the meaning of my card was being read. I heard the word ‘protection’ and sniggered.

‘Why did you laugh?’ Mary asked.

I hesitated a second before admitting, ‘There a red hot man on this care and I’m being told about protection, just wondered if I had any in my handbag.’

Well, the innuendoes flew as everyone looked at the card. Wish I’d taken a photo. By the time we came to saying the closing prayers (again all taking turns) someone asking God to help out with my stock for my handbag.

I so needed a laugh, hadn’t thought it was have been at circle. Loved it!


Leave a comment

Session 32 – Mediumship – being in the middle

May 30th 2013 (Thursday)

We were a diminished group of just six women two men, on account of it being half-term week. Greg explained that we would be focusing on three things:

  1. Getting a connection
  2. Validation
  3. Giving a message.

He demonstrated what he meant by choosing to work with Meg.

‘I have a flat cap,’ he said, ‘a grey sort of check flat cap. Does this mean anything to you?’

‘Possibly,’ said Meg a little hesitantly.

‘OK, let me see what else I can get,’ he continued. ‘I have a brown coat.’

Meg was nodding slowly – and nodded more vigorously as Greg said, ‘It’s a very old

and worn coat.’

She was a little puzzled by the ‘trousers hanging over the belt’, but nigh on lit up at

the ‘bald head.’ That had firmly pointed to the spirit of her grandfather.

Purple Heather

Purple Heather

‘They were stages one and two,’ Greg said. I got a connection and I got Meg to validate that it’s someone she knows. Now I need to complete stage three, i.e. get a message, because if a spirit has made itself known it will usually have a message for the person.’

He concentrated for a while then said, ‘I see you looking at two sets of paper at a table and shaking your head as though the two don’t match, like something don’t quite add up.’

Again Meg looked puzzled, but eventually linked it to some family history work she was doing. The message was eeked out in bits and pieces, each time a little more being given till the full thing unfolded as, ‘there is an illegitimate male in the family which is not recorded. Someone in the family knows who it is, ask around and put the record straight.’

This all made sense to Meg, and was the clearest explanation and demonstration I’d been given in the circle about how to interpret the images and how to keep asking spirit for clarification and explanation until the message is given.

It seem daft given the number of sessions I’ve attended, but tonight was the first time I really understood that it’s not just about receiving random images and asking the person if they could ‘take’ the images. Communicating with the spirit of those who have passed has purpose. It is to help and guide those who are still here.

‘So now you’ve seen how it’s done, it’s your turn to have a go now,’ Greg said. ‘Focus on someone you feel drawn to and try and make a connection. It doesn’t matter whether you get a message at this stage, if you do great, if not, that’s fine. We can do this in stages.’

I was drawn to Tina, the lady opposite me. I saw a tall slim and very attractive lady with long blonde straight hair in party clothes and dancing shoes who looked like she was dancing. That’s all I got for a while, then I saw her holding and rocking a baby but not looking too happy about doing so. Then I saw a cake, like a birthday cake and the number 86, and got the names Ada, Linda and Brenda.

As soon as I started to describe the woman Tina recognised her as a grandmother. She understood the party clothes, dancing shoes and especially the cake. She seemed a little disappointed that her grandmother didn’t want to rock the baby, and the 86 didn’t mean anything to her.

‘So you’ve made a connection and got validation,’ Greg interjected, ‘now try and get a message.’

Although I’ve previously got the impression I needed to tell Tina to get her dancing shoes on, I sat quietly and listened with closed eyes to see if I’d get anything else. To my mind what I got was quite a bland message, ‘do more for yourself, stop taking yourself so seriously, lighten up and little and get out more,’ but it made absolute sense to Tina.

She explained that since the birth of her baby she’d been so focused on daughter that she’d not really done anything for herself. (It was only later that I recognised the significance of the grandmother not wanting to rock the baby – don’t let the baby take over she was saying.)

Other people had varying levels of success. One person got a message for another member of her family, for him to go and get a health check. Only one person didn’t get anything from the process.

The person who had focused on me got a message from a great grandfather who wanted me to know that he’s with me and helping me to live the essence of my name (which means wisdom).

During the question and answer session at the end I asked about what to do with the other information if the person validates quite quickly. In Tina’s case I didn’t bother to use the names, or to go any further with the 86.

Greg said all the information need to be given (incidentally Tina could take both Linda and Brenda). Each piece of information needs to be interrogated until the message of the image is clear. Well, I will know for next time.

For the first time tonight I felt like I’d given a reading as a medium. It felt strange to know that I had actually connected with the spirit of someone who had lived and was able to be a mouthpiece for her.


4 Comments

Session 30 – Very touchy feely

May 16th 2013 (Thursday)2002-01-01 00.00.00-1442

We were nine tonight, two men and seven women. I was on a high from the day from a lot of clearing. I threw out five bags of cassette tapes – yes and many of those were recorded psychic readings. Oh how things have changed, now I do the psychic readings. And I was really looking forward to practicing some more tonight.

However, as I walked into the log cabin the chill made me reach for my jacket, one of those situations where it was warmer outside.

As we waited for everyone to arrive I could feel the energy draining out of me. By the time we got to the first meditation I was asleep through most of it. It was a colour one where we had to visualise the colours of the rainbow and then see them swirling around us. Mine became a vortex which pulled me in and sent me to sleep.

I could barely keep my eyes open during the feedback, which didn’t go unnoticed. Someone requested that we do the meditation to meet our guides. As Greg began, I realised that its one we’ve done before, only in that one I was much more awake, so much so I was flying around the room.

Anyway, we went to a cottage and sat in a chair and waited for our guide to reveal him/her/it self to us from the feet upwards. I saw nothing. I kept hoping that maybe by the time we got to the head that I’d see something. But no, zilch, nada, nothing.

The only things I experienced were the tingling around my third eye, which is the sign my grandmother uses to let me know her energy is around me, and someone stroking my cheeks. This was so soothing that I fell asleep again.

After the feedback we were a little stuck for something to do, so Greg suggested we had a go at psychometry. He handed over a set of keys to one of group and asked for a message. It took a while coming as the person had been put on the spot, but Greg said it made sense to him.

He, the reader, had to give something to someone else. She gave him a message and passed something to another person. By this time I felt almost comatose. I was struggling to keep my eyes open. The level of energy in the room felt low, several people had said they felt unpleasant physical symptoms during the second meditation, and I really couldn’t concentrate.

I apologised to Greg, said I wasn’t feeling well and needed to leave. Said goodbye to everyone and headed home.

As I drove home my spirits gradually lifted. Could this heavy energy have anything to do with the fact that I’ve been doing a lot of clearing out, spring cleaning and throwing out lots of things that I once held dear? Or could it be something else. And why did it descend when I was in the room, and lift when I left?

 


5 Comments

Only one spirit

15th May 2013

I first encountered spirit in July 2003 in a Louise Hay teacher training course. It was a physical encounter which I could not deny. Prior to that I didn’t believe in spirit.

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1433Since then I’ve been trying to get my head around all the different forms of spirit. Did angels exist? I got heavily into angel cards, learned about the Archangels and all the major and minor ones. I became a Reiki practitioner and connected with the healing spirits. I learned about fairies and elementals, about the spirits of nature, and about ascended masters.

When I first got evidence of the spirit of deceased members of my family I was initially very afraid, and would call on the angels to protect me from other kinds of negative spirits.

When I was finally dragged kicking and screaming to the psychic development circles it was because things I’d written about in my second novel were becoming manifest in real life, like I was watching an unfolding of my story. Some of this has also started to happen with my third, yet to be published novel. I found this very spooky, and even began to worry in case I wrote ill of someone and it happened.

In the circles we’ve been taught about connecting to our guides, and through Shamanism I’m learning about animal spirit as guides.

Add to the mix the fact that I’m an A Course in Miracles student where one of the central teachings is that we are one with God, that our higher Self has direct connection to God and freely communicates with him/her/it, and that time spent in communion with God is all the guidance we need, and you can see that I was getting a little confused.

Different people from the different groups gave me their interpretation of spirit but there was no-one connecting up all the dots for me. I decided to meditate on it.

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1401What I got two days ago was that there is only ONE spirit that it has different aspects to it, and that when we ‘connect’ with it we are connecting with that part that we need at that moment. Spirit is part of us and we are part of it. My higher Self is that spirit, and my higher Self knows all that was, is and will be – past, present and future.

What I realised in this meditation is that when I’ve talk about ‘spirit overload’, i.e. getting messages all the time in different formats such as dreams, visions, meditations and in writing till I’m exhausted, that I’m actually bringing this on myself. There are no external spirits piling it in till I’m weighed down.

In circle the advice was to ask spirit to go easy. Dave Scullen advised that I visualised a tap on full speed and then turn it down. The former didn’t work but the latter did. That’s what got me thinking. Did I do it or did spirit do it?

Spirit is not an external part of me, another person, another entity living somewhere else who visits me from time to time. Spirit is a part of me that I’ve just discovered how to access, and like a child in a sweetshop I’ve been grabbing at everything – all that time. This is one of my personality traits. When I get excited about something I tend to overdo it and often get worn out, before I learn how to pace myself.

So this is really about me regulating my access, and not being afraid that it’s going to go away if I don’t grab it all now. I’m not being ‘speeded up’ as one of my friends suggested. I’m speeding myself up.

What I stumbled on accidentally, unconsciously, with the writing, I can do consciously through meditation. I’m understanding more what Lynne McTaggart means by intention meditation.

It’s like writing your shopping list before you go shopping instead of going with a big trolley and no list. There will be plenty to choose from in the shop, and you’ll come home with some exciting things and maybe some basic things. And when you get them home you’ll work out what to do with them. You may even have been working out as you went around the shop what could be used for what.

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1443But if you go to the supermarket knowing a) what you want, and b) that they have it your time in there will be more productive (so long as you don’t get side-tracked). You can go to the right aisles, straight to the correct shelves – and if you don’t know you can always ask and get directions.

That’s what happens in circle meditations where we’re asked to focus on a specific person for messages. Much easier that picking things up randomly and hoping someone will be able to ‘take’ it.

Meditation is conscious connection with spirit, with my higher Self, with the spirit of all who have ever inhabited a body on this earth and those who haven’t. When I connect with my grandma, I’m re-connecting with that part of me that once inhabited that body, that has the wisdom and the strength that is available to me, always has been available and always will be available.

When I fell asleep at the laptop while I was writing the novel I connected with the writing spirit part of me that continued to write the story.

This may all seem self-evident to you but to me this is a mystery solved. Angels, guides, universal Reiki energy, ancestors, spirit animals – all one – and all me.

So what can I do with this knowledge? Well, when I have an issue – any issue – big or small, I can go to the place where all the answers are. Instead of flapping around in my little self I can go to my higher Self and ask for the answer. I can call on whichever part I think will have the best chance of getting me the answer, my grandmother, Buddha, Shakespeare, Jesus and other ascended masters, wolf, owl, rabbit, or Archangel Michael.

I can learn to trust that the answer will always be there and be patient enough to wait for it to become evident.

I can stop fearing that my writing is in some way prophetic and stop trying to censor what I write in case I bring on some apocalyptic event, or hasten someone’s demise. Very liberating! Comments welcomed PLEASE!


Leave a comment

Session 29 – Woodlands and fairies

May 13th 2013 (Monday)

Tim had an audition in London so couldn’t make today’s circle. He text me about 10.30 to say he was just passing through West Brompton. I said I hoped the vibes were good.

Anyway, back to the circle. There were seven of us, six regulars and a returnee who has not been for a long time, all women. That’s a first for me.

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1448

After the opening prayer we spent quite a while talking about mediumship malpractice. Mary outlined a few cases where clients have been left distraught by unprofessional readings and have called her for reassurance. She even told of one medium who was now in prison for unprofessional physical conduct with his female clients.

I listened to the gasps of horror and the ‘serves him right,’ and couldn’t help but wonder if we were being a little judgemental. What I mean is that we all have a purpose here, and each has an individual journey. I suggested that perhaps this medium needed to use his gifts in prison – maybe that’s part of his soul’s journey. If it is (and why wouldn’t it be if he’s there?) then he had to do something to get him there.

I think sometimes when we hear of human suffering we want to be compassionate to the people who have suffered, which makes us less so of the ones who have caused the suffering. But each has a unique place in God’s heart and I don’t believe it is for us to judge until we’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes.

So, stepping gently off my soap box….

The next exercise was a meditation lead by Jill, one of the members. I think Mary’s asking the more experienced members to take meditations to give them practice, and to add variety to the group.

‘You find yourself in a wood,’ Jill said, following the deep breathing relaxation she took us through.

‘You see a rickety house in the distance. Walk up to the house. Push the door open. Inside looks a little unkempt. You see something in the room that you’ve lost. What is it?’

I saw an old hairbrush that I haven’t seen in years. I don’t even use a hairbrush anymore because my hair is in locks. But there it was. I picked it up and ran my fingers over the plastic teeth. It wasn’t even a valuable one. There was something comforting about finding it though.

‘Now you notice a door to the side of the room. Open the door and go down the stairs into the basement, into the cellar. It’s quite dark down there, but as your eyes become accustomed to the dark you see huddled in the corner your resistance bully. This is the bully that tells you “you can put it off till tomorrow” or “you don’t have to do this bit” or “what’s the use?” or “You’re too tired.’ This is the bully that has pushed you around and stopped you progressing in so many areas of your life. Well now you are in charge. See it for what it is. Look at it cowering.’

As I looked in the corner I saw a big orange blob, and slowly a head and a couple of arms emerged from it. It was male, and it didn’t look me in the eye. I had no fear of it, but I was very curious as to why it looked like a giant Fanta bubble with arms and legs.

‘Tell you resistance bully that it no longer have any hold over you, that you’re strong enough now to manage without it.’

I said the words but it felt like a conversation I’d had previously.

‘Now wrap your resistance bully in a ball of light, and add a ball of pink light around it. Then walk back up the stairs. Look around the room, what do you notice? Now walk back out the door and back into woods.’

That was it before we had to come back into the room.

During the feedback some people said they found lost toys, pieces of jewellery or other artefacts. Jill said my hairbrush was connected to one of my grandmothers.

Some people experienced the bully as frightening at first but was able to tame it (so to speak) and leave it in a bubble of love. One person couldn’t picture a bully at all.

Some experienced the room as brighter and more organised on the way out, but it looked pretty much the same to me.

Our second activity was to do a three card reading using fairy cards after Mary explained that some people see fairies and elementals as second class spirits, but in her eyes they had equal status with all spirit forms.

We each choose our cards and worked in pairs to do a reading for each other.

Fairy card reading

Fairy card reading

I got ‘Quiet Time,’ ‘Rise above Problems,’ and ‘Financial Flow.’ The person I was working with commented on the orangey glow of the first card, rustic quiet orange. See, this shade of orange I can handle, it’s the very bright shade that gives me a headache and makes me want to reach for my shades. Dave’s advice about sitting with orange was still going through my head.

(DOH!! As I write this I realise that I haven’t actually asked spirit to show me what the meaning of the thing with orange is. I know it sounds weird but I’ve just had a thought that it’s about letting go. But letting go of what? Something else for me to explore in my quiet time.)

Anyway, the second card and third cards were very reassuring. In fact, sometimes when I dance with a veil I look a little like the fairy in the second card. And bring on the financial flow. She pointed out that the fairy was spiralling into gold, and that there were other fairy helpers along the way.

Fairy card reading

Fairy card reading

I was more than happy with my reading, and tried to interpret her cards for her. They made sense for her. She’s just become a partner in an environmental recycling company. The message was that it would be successful but would take more of her time than she was envisaging at the moment. She needs to take the extra  time she has now (she’s working part-time) to really get out and have more fun, connect with her inner child and stop worrying so much. She needs to trust more, that what she wants will be there when she needs it, and it is in the trust that her transformation will take place. She can’t have one foot in the water and one out. She needs to step out and know that spirit are taking care of her.

What I’m finding after 29 of these sessions is that I’m not as hesitant about saying what comes into my head. It does help of course that we’re reading for people who also understand what the cards mean and are open to spiritual growth. The real test will be on people who don’t go to circle.

As usual, if you see anything that I’ve missed (and that’s often plenty) please let me know. I am going to check out orange again, and reflect on what I’m meant to let go of.


3 Comments

The angel and the bishop

Crystal ball

Crystal ball

Well I took the advice from the last Thursday circle and looked into the crystal ball. For ages I couldn’t see anything. Then an African bishop appeared, kneeling down with his hands open in front of him. After a while a most magnificent angel appeared. She wore a long robe and had massive wings. She held her hands up in a big V above her head, and appeared to be drawing lightening into her hands. I was so shocked I nearly dropped the ball, firstly because she was so amazing, but also because less than an hour before this I’d held my hands up in that same way in front of the mirror.

I talked to a friend who said it could be a message for me to begin using my Reiki again, retuning with and using universal energy. We didn’t talk about the bishop.

I would love to hear from you if you have any idea what this could mean.


Leave a comment

Session 28 – Crystal ball, candles and ‘don’t change that title’

2nd May 2013 (Thursday)

Six women and three men headed for the log cabin at the end of the garden for tonight’s circle meeting. The glorious May weather commanded an outdoor experience.

Crystal ball

Crystal ball

One of the men, a very gifted medium had not been for over three months due to illness and other issues. I’d only seen him the first two weeks of Thursday circles. As he was being introduced to our newest member of the group he shook her hand and immediately asked, ‘Who’s had an accident with the car?’

Completely taken aback she replied, ‘My car rolled down a slope and crushed the back end of my daughter’s car.’

For the next fifteen minutes he gave her fact after fact about her family and herself, some of which she was able to confirm and others he advised her to go and check, as they were about her grand-father and great grand-father.

After that sizzling start where the rest of us were in awe, and maybe a little envious of all the fantastic messages, Greg went straight into our opening meditation. The guides and helpers were duly summoned to aid and protect us before he told us to focus on getting a message for someone in the group, or for ourselves for the second part of the meditation.

‘Focus on your third eye,’ he said, ‘see a deep blue crystal in front of your third eye building the energy around it.’ He then moved to the throat chakra and asked us to visualize a paler crystal, again building energy around the throat, then to focus on getting a message for someone.

Candle

Candle

I chose a young woman that I knew very little about having only seen her twice at circle. I found it hard to concentrate at first as my mind kept wandering to an incident from the afternoon that had angered me so much it manifested as a nosebleed. I’d been in such a bad mood I’d even contemplated not bothering with circle tonight, then realised that I probably really needed it.

I asked my guides to help me focus, and eventually saw the young woman pushing a wheelbarrow full of brick up a garden path. It was a real struggle for her, but when she got to the other end the bricks were used to build a barbeque, and a real party atmosphere ensued. I saw yellow, gold and red balloons floating up into the air, and later, as the night drew in, the embers glowed and the little dog stopped its excited yapping, Chinese lanterns were released. I got four names.

During the feedback someone else in the group who knows her well said it made perfect sense, that she had a bit of a struggle coming up but had been told that by September there would be much happier times.

Two people got messages for me, one saw me in a very quiet place sitting at a table writing furiously. I told her I’d just come back from a quiet break in Wales but that I had deliberately stopped myself from touching the keyboard to write. She said I wasn’t at the keyboard, I was writing with a pen on paper. That’s when I remembered that while I was away I did a lot of journaling, which I write by hand.

The gifted medium also had asked for a message for me, and gave me fifteen minutes worth (be careful what you wish for), 90% of it extremely accurate. He asked if I wrote poetry, and had I had some published. I said ‘yes’.

He said ‘you’ve written a special poem for a special person recently haven’t you?’

‘Yes,’ I stuttered, wondering if he was about to disclose the content and to whom, but I breathed a sigh of relief as he continued. He told me that I like to be by the sea, was inspired by it but was afraid to get into it beyond my waist.

‘Do you have a crystal ball?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ I said.

‘Do you see things in it?’

‘I used to, until I went on a course to learn how to use it properly and then stopped seeing anything at all.’

‘I think you should try using it again. You’ll probably find that you’ll be able to see things again.

He then went on to talk about the significance of a candle, and I told him that I often write with a lit candle, and that the candle was next to the crystal ball. If felt as if he was looking into my personal space.

The thing that threw me the most though was when he asked if I’d been asked to write a new book.

‘Yes,’ I admitted, I began it this week.

‘Have you been thinking of changing the title?’

‘I haven’t got a title for the new book yet,’ I explained, ‘but yesterday I questioned whether I should change the title of the one I’ve just finished.’

‘Don’t,’ he said, ‘they’re saying it’s the correct title.’

My jaw was hanging loose by this stage. Such a specific answer so quickly. There was much else, but after a while I became aware of the attention, and that other people had not had as much.

The rest of the time was taken up with discussing the way spirit works with us. One person described her dream of diesel being put into a petrol car, and half an hour after having the dream her husband called to say he’d put petrol in her diesel car. A long discussion followed where various dreams were shared, along with spirits many and varied ways of getting our attention. Like tapping people on the shoulder, poking them in the side, pulling their hair, moving things, through electrical equipment, through their cars etc.

The time went by so quickly that we didn’t have time for another meditation. And to think I considered not going.


1 Comment

Session 27 – Picture this

April 29th 2013 (Monday)

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1346After my week in Wales in (almost) solitude, pretty much talking to spirit morning, noon and night, it was exciting to be joining others to share the experience. No Tim today. I’m not sure if the novelty’s worn off or if he’s weighed down with work. It’s unlike him not to call me or to respond to my call. I hope he’s alright.

I was looking forward to today’s session as we’d had a text from Mary toward the end of last week informing us that as she had a hospital appointment, and as she couldn’t vouch for the NHS’s flexible timing,  Zoe would be taking the session.  She also said a new lady would be joining us, that she was at university and wanted to include mediumship in her thesis. I was intrigued and was quite looking forward to meeting with this lady, not least because I’m toying with the idea of doing a doctorate in creative writing, and would like to look at the paranormal, as this feature strongly in my second novel Betrayed.

It may be just a small thing but the door was opened when I got there, so I let myself in and found the others in the conservatory. I can’t believe how excited I was to be back. Somehow this place is beginning to feel like a second home. Not just the building but the people in it are very welcoming. Zoe and Mary were there (NHS was flexible in Mary’s favour today), plus two others. After hugs and pecks on cheeks six of us settled in the main room to begin.

PICT2217After the opening prayer Zoe asked one of the other members to lead us through a relaxation meditation during which we heard the doorbell ring. Shortly afterwards someone else joined us. It wasn’t till we came round from the meditation that I noticed it was a new lady.

I was so chilled by then that I totally forgot to ask if she was from the university. In any case she didn’t appear to be from the university as she joined in and took part in our first activity.

Zoe gave us all an A4 piece of paper marked into four squares. Each one contained a shape (circle, triangle, X, long thin oblong)  from which we were to make drawing.

‘When you’ve done your drawings you’ll be working in pairs to give each other readings from your pictures,’ she said handing out clipboards and pens. My heart sank. I really am no artist.

In the silence which followed I drew a tree with deep roots,  leaves on the ground and a rounded top in the long thin oblong  square. In the X square I drew a noughts and crosses game with a boy and girl on either side. In the triangle square I drew a car going into a tunnel with the headlights on, and in the circle one a large face with a faint smile, freckles, with stubble on chin and head.

PICT2186I say this is what I drew because that’s what they were in my head. While my partner could make out three of them, the car going into the tunnel had to be explained, and I admired her restraint not to burst out laughing.

Hers was an ironing board, a Chinese man kneeling down with hands clasped as if in prayer, a plain open face with a single curl of hair that resembled a question mark, and a butterfly. I looked at both sets of drawing wondering what the hell we were going to make of them.

‘Shall I go first?’ my partner asked, and I was more than happy to let her. It would give me a bit more time to study her pictures and try to get something from them.

‘You’re very rooted,’ she began looking at the tree picture. ‘You’re a very giving person, even after the harvest is over you still provide for others. This is what these leave mean. Moving on to the noughts and crosses she said I had a very playful nature, but that I could, if I wanted to, play mind games with men. If I was doing that it was probably not a very helpful thing to do.

‘You’re going deeper into your spirituality,’ she said after silently observing the car picture for a while. ‘Sometimes it feel a little daunting, like you don’t know what you’re getting into, but you’ve trusted it this far and you can keep trusting it. The headlights are showing you the way, keep your eyes and ears open and you’ll have nothing to fear.

She had a little more difficulty with the face, not knowing if it was a genuine smile of if the person it represented was hiding behind a smile, not sure if it was me or someone else.

I guess I’m still a little surprised at how we reveal ourselves in the little things we do and say, and where we’re not very obvious spirit steps in and fill in the blanks. I wasn’t aware that I was playing mind games, but after she mentioned it I examined a situation I’m dealing with at the moment and realised that I’ve been accusing someone of playing mind games. I wondered it was that he’s the one playing mind games, or whether I need to examine myself a little more deeply. The other things all made sense.  I just hoped I could come somewhere close with my reading for her.

I began with the ironing board, a sigh of domesticity, and I was going to ask if she’s longing to get away from the drudgery of housework, but what came out of my mouth was,

‘You are very good at ironing out problems for other people, you  can see what needs to be done, and while you won’t push it down people’s throats they will respect your take on a problem. They won’t always take your advice but they will come for it.’

Do not ask me where that came from. She agreed and elaborated a bit more on what I’d said. The Chinese man was about spending more time in meditation, or at least going deeper in meditation, too much of her meditation was scratching around at the surface, more depth was required.

‘You’re a very open person,’ I told her looking at the face with the question mark curl, ‘what you see is what you get with you. Sometimes people can read you like a book, but that’s OK, being any other way wouldn’t feel right for you. The message here is that if you’ve been thinking that people take advantage of you because you are so open, and that you need to keep thing to yourself a little more – don’t. Stay open.’

‘When I first saw the butterfly I thought it was about your transformation, but I’ve just been told that you’re helping someone to transform, and in that you’re finding your own transformation.’

She filled in the missing bits in what was essentially an accurate reading. I realise that I am learning to trust more of what comes to me and not try to censor it.

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1370As if that wasn’t enough Zoe then asked us to focus on one person at a time and try to get messages about their spiritual as well as material development. We began with on only man as he had to leave early.  As there were seven of us it took some time and would take many words to describe in detail all the messages we got, suffice to say that everyone recognised and accepted something from everyone.

I’ve got past the stage where I thought people were probably doing it to be polite and not hurt feelings if the messages didn’t make sense. So many of the messages they gave to me made sense. One of the women said she saw an eagle and a hummingbird. They were the animal cards I drew this morning – she had no way of knowing that. One told me that I needed to believe I am as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside. I’ve been doing affirmations around this issue – she didn’t know that. One saw a white opening lotus as my spiritual message – spiritually I’m opening up. One saw me in a sequinned dress in September, one saw me under a spotlight, one saw someone putting money into my hands, another saw Archangel Michael with me and that he had a message for me – to ground myself (she wasn’t aware of the tree I’d drawn and the interpretation that had been made of it). ’ Another said she saw a long line of ancestors behind me, stretching in a long line, way, way, back.

I had the most amazing feeling that something beautiful is about to happen, especially when one said she saw traffic lights on amber and the message was ‘get ready’.

As you can tell, I was very, very excited. Worth a week of solitude to come back to this. I was so taken with all this activity that I completely forgot to ask about the woman from the university. Maybe she’ll come another day.

 

 


Leave a comment

Session 26 – Talking stick philosophy

15th April 2013 (Monday)

I arrived at Oak House with another visitor today, not one new to the centre but new to the Monday circle. He’d been a couple of times to the Thursday evening one and thought he’d try one in the day too. Sadly Tim wasn’t able to make it – pressure of work.

PICT2186As we entered the main room one of the members was busy putting chairs in a circle.

‘How many shall I put out?’ she asked after the introductions had been done.

‘Eight,’ I answered without thinking.

We went to meet some of the others hanging out in the conservatory, because finally we got some sun. It looked like there was a member to member card tuition going on, but those who weren’t included basked in the sun and enjoyed a chat before being called to order by Mary.

When we filed in she asked if we could lose some of the chairs as there were only eight of us and twelve chairs had been put out.

‘Didn’t you listen?’ I joked with the member who’d put the chairs out. It was, after all a lucky guess (or was it?).

She welcomed our new member, assured him he was safe in the company of a fairly mad group, and encouraged him to say a little about himself. Then, true to her form of asking us to take turns to say the opening prayer, Mary sought out the one who looked least like wanting to do it – and asked me.

‘Was I so obviously hiding?’ I asked.

‘Yes,’ came a chorus from the others. Next time I’ll try looking with eager anticipation.

My prayers are short and usually consist of thanking God for bringing us together, for what we are going to learn, and for reminding us that our lives and what we learn are to be used in service to others. This was no different.

Our first exercise was a meditation to a CD of Buddhist chants. It began eastern sounding enough, but changed a little way in and became very Southern African. It had a very odd beat (or non-beat) which made it difficult to be lulled into any kind of rhythm. I found it a very effective piece to keep the mind focused and not wander off.

After twenty minutes of this we were all chilled enough to be only mildly alarmed when Mary announced that she was going to get the talking stick from the other room.

There was a ripple of ‘talking stick, what’s a talking stick,’ as Mary left, and we were no clearer till she returned with a wooden stick, about eighteen inches long, on which were carved symbols. It had several silver studs inserted into the wood near the handle and was a prop of the late great medium of the centre.

‘We’re going to use this talking stick to give a philosophy from spirit,’ Mary explained. I will pass it to someone who will speak for five minutes about what spirit means to them. When they’ve finished they will pass it to someone else who will also speak for five minute, and so on.’

‘Five minutes on spirit?’ I was thinking. It was bad enough being asked to do a few minutes last time but how the hell was I going to talk for five minutes about what spirit is, especially if I’m not first. Everybody will have said what I’d want to say by then. For the first time ever, since joining these circles I was disappointed that I wasn’t first. In fact I was fourth, and had some pretty impressive acts to follow.

I think I’m getting better at trusting spirit to tell me what to say, because after my initial mini fit I became calm again, reminding myself that whatever came out of my mouth was what was supposed to come out, nothing more, nothing less. And if I was ever going to be asked publicly at short notice to speak about what spirit means to me, what safer place to practice than here?

When I was handed the stick I knew the first sentence that I would start with, after that I trusted spirit. I talked about the first time, ten years ago when I consciously reconnected with spirit – or should I say, they connected with me. Up until then I’d been busy denying the existence of any such things, and would have quite happily recommended a good psychiatrist for people who did. I guess people could be recommending the same for me now.

It was amazing how quickly the five minutes went and I was handing the stick over to someone else.

Only one of us had to rush off straight away at 2.30 so we officially closed, but the rest of us agreed to do one more exercise.

Mary must have had a theme of surprises for yesterday, because or final exercise was to stand up and give an impromptu reading to any one in the group. My heart sank, and I started to wish I’d said I needed to rush off as well.

PICT2188You see, I really don’t see myself as a medium in that way, giving random messages to people from a stage. When I joined the circles it was very much with a view that it would help with my writing – hence the title of this blog. And so it was that I waited in trepidation for my turn to come round. It was seven minutes to three and I saw my opportunity to get out of this.

‘I’m really sorry but I have to be gone by three,’ I apologised as the last person sat down after delivering an excellent reading.

‘Oh, you’ve just got time to do a couple of minutes then,’ Mary said. Does this woman never give up?

I dragged myself to the front, choose my person and – nothing – a totally blank head. I stared at her and tried to find something useful to say but nothing came.

‘Give her a colour,’ Mary suggested.

‘Blue,’ said my sitter.

‘Blue,’ I repeated, buying time to see if something would come. Then I noticed that my sitter was helpfully mouthing ‘communication’ at me and pointing to her throat charka.

Then suddenly something kicked in and I began to tell her how she was getting much clearer with her delivery of messages, that she was trusting it more, not trying to censor or paraphrase it. I talked about her increasing confidence and the benefits this was bringing to the people to whom she delivered the messages.

After I’d rabbitted on for a bit I just suddenly stopped, as if nothing more was there.

As I returned to my seat, and for several hours after I reflected on how suddenly the words had arrived, how meaningful they were to the sitter, and how suddenly they’d stopped.

When will I learn to move myself out of the way? Any short cut tips you can recommend?


1 Comment

Session 24 – Rush hour in spirit world

4th April 2013 (Thursday)

Nine women, two men, and one of those was Greg the facilitator. There were two new women.

PICT2040Someone mentioned dreams before the session started. I suddenly remembered and shared with the group that last night I dreamed that I was marrying God.

‘You’re not thinking of becoming a nun are you?’ Greg asked.

‘It’s too late for that,’ I muttered quietly, but obviously not quietly enough as half the room tittered.

I also announced that I was back on form, completely rested, while I tucked into the cup cake one of the members had brought for the group. So delicious.

The first exercise was to try and get some advice for one of the new women for an issue she had already discussed with Greg but that we were unaware of. Greg welcomed our spirit guides and asked for their help, guidance and protection.

We all got something for her. I saw a newspaper and a razor. The message was ‘words can be cutting.’ One lady saw a basket of eggs which had been on a card from a mini reading the new lady had earlier. One person saw her grandmother who had some advice for her. All but one input made sense to her. Greg suggested that the thing she didn’t recognise now was possibly a future event.

Our second meditation was a deep one. I dropped into that state of nothingness very quickly. The only thing I remember from that first exercise was seeing four flames in a circle. I didn’t hear most of the meditation but toward the end I felt someone jolt my body upright and said ‘it time to listen now.’ That’s when Greg said ‘come back into the room when you’re ready.’

As others began to give feedback on their experience I realised that we’d been taken down in a lift, each floor taking us deeper into meditation. Some people had trance-like experiences while others found it difficult to go down. There were long elaborate journeys and short succinct ones like mine. During my feedback there was a rush of energy into the room felt by most of the room. It stopped Greg in mid sentence. Whatever comment he was about to make about my experience was lost in the drama of the arriving spirits. I have to confess that I didn’t sense it or feel the accompanying cold. I was cold all the time, even though I was sitting next to the radiator which was turned up fully. Greg said he’d never known spirit enter with such speed.

We paused in the round of feedback while Greg identified who they were. They (the three of them) were all connected with one person. There were two women and a man. Some of Greg’s descriptions made sense to the person to whom they were connected, and it seemed to be coldest in her part of the room. They must have stayed around for the rest of the night because it didn’t get any warmer.

Our third meditation took us from the beach, up a steep cliff, down a grassy verge to a lagoon with a waterfall where we bathed, swam, then dived down to find a gem.

My ascent of the cliff was not straight forward as I had to zigzag my way in places, but I opted for the most direct route. I knew I’d have the stamina to make it as I’ve done a lot of hill walking. The other side of the cliff was covered in yellow, purple and blue flowers, with lots of bluebells around the edge of the lagoon.

As I got into the lagoon sparks flew off the waterfall, like a giant sparkler. I lay on my back and floated (which is unusual for me as I’m not very confident in water).

I dived down to pick up a big piece of citrine, but when I came up and looked in my hand I was holding a very large ruby. Incidentally three of us picked up ruby, the most popular of the night.

I was going for abundance with citrine, but with ruby it would appear that what I need is passion and vitality.

I feel like the steep curve of learning is levelling off a bit, or maybe its to do with the fact that I’m meditating daily and getting messages almost every day.

If you’ve ever sat in circle, or still do, is this how it felt for you?