Writing Creatively With Spirit

A journey of psychic discovery


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What does poo in dreams mean?

Friday 29th March 2013

Daffodils huddled together for warmth in this frozen month of March

Daffodils huddled together for warmth in this frozen month of March

I found out my grandmother’s name. It’s Christianna Benjamin nee Morgan. During my meditation I set the intention to connect with her and to be given a sign that I was connected. I had a tickling around my third eye and on the left side of my neck.

I saw a thimble, and later thread and a needle. Was she a good seamstress? Did I hear that somewhere? Then I had the thought of stitching together a patchwork quilt.

I dropped in and out of nothingness, but in between I thought about my dream from the night before in which I was trying to hide from a previous boss. I’d been trying to dodge him for ages hiding in all kinds of places before suddenly deciding that I’d done nothing wrong and, despite all the people who’d been trying to hide and protect me, I came out openly and challenged him. He didn’t pursue the issues and I realised that I needn’t have hidden for so long.

In the same dream I needed the toilet and had to go a long way to find it, (even though I was convinced that there was one closer). A woman snuck in before me, but fortunately there was more than one cubicle. The wall was flat, and the toilet bowl emerged from it and looked a little flimsy as it had no solid base attaching it to the floor. It had un-flushed poo in. I needed to do a poo but was conscious of people in the next cubicle so held on to it, just did a wee while pondering the oddness of the toilet.

Somebody once told me that poo in dreams is related to money. Does this dream mean that I found some (in the bowl) but was too embarrassed to add mine to it? Do you know anything about poo in dreams?

And what about the thimble and the patchwork quilt? I was wondering if it could mean that I’m to pull together all the different things that I’m learning into one. Maybe create something new and different from all the bits. Any thoughts?

And finally, I got the thought that it would be a good idea to write about my Family Constellation experiences.

When I was researching Shamanism I found people’s personal experiences really helpful. Constellations are about soul integration, about making whole the fragmented soul that has suffered trauma. This is also the aim of Shamanism.

It may require a bit of delving into journals but each experience was so profound that they are clearly documented.

 

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Modern Shamanism

Masquerade dancer

Masquerade dancer

When I received the information to look more deeply into Shamanism I was more than a little reluctant to be associated with this form of practice. I threw some questions out about where to look and got what I can only describe as divine guidance from ‘R’ who responded with a comment on the blog.

If you read A hero with a thousand faces or The Writers Journey they suggest writers are modern day shamans. Maggie Whitehouse has some interesting things to say on shamanism – also google ayuhuesca and modern shamanism. X

Thank you so much ‘R’ for this comment. There was so much contained in such a small space. I spent a big chunk of today researching all the areas you suggested. It made immediate sense to me that writers would be Shamans. Especially after watching Elizabeth Gilbert’s talk on genius, and my experiences with my second novel. As a writer Joseph Campbell’s work is part of my tool kit so it was easy to find a hook for this.

I hunted everywhere for Maggy Whitehouse’s comments but the only sites with any references to Shamanism were unavailable.

I’ve made it this far without taking any consciousness enhancing aids but found the information on Ayuhuesca fascinating.

By far the area that absorbed most of my time was the information on Modern Shamanism.

There were a few sites but the first one I went to made me understand my reluctance.

In the Western world, when we hear the word “shaman,” most of us tend to conjure up an image of a masked and costumed indigenous tribal person, dancing around a fire in the dark, involved in some sort of mysterious ritual, accompanied by singing and drum beats.

This is not an easy thing for me to visualise myself participating in. It wasn’t till I read a little further that I began to relax, and even to become slightly excited.

But inside that cultural shell of mask, costume and ritual, there is a woman or a man with a set of very real skills. The shaman is the master of the trance experience.

All true shamans are able to achieve expanded states of awareness in which they can direct the focus of their consciousness away from our everyday physical reality and into the inner worlds of the dreamtime while very much awake.

The first thing they discover is that these inner worlds are inhabited, for there they encounter spirits–the spirits of nature, the spirits of the elementals, the spirits of the ancestors, and the higher, compassionate transpersonal forces, many of whom serve humanity as spirit helpers and guardians, teachers and guides.

It is this extraordinary visionary ability that sets shamans apart from all other religious practitioners. And it is through their relationship with these archetypal beings that shamans are able to do various things, initially on behalf of themselves and then increasingly on behalf of others. What sorts of things?

At the top of the list is probably ’empowerment.’ Working with the assistance of their helping spirits, shamans are able to restore power to persons who have lost theirs or who have been diminished by their life experiences. Shamanic practitioners are able to access information from ‘the other side’ through divination; some are skilled at guiding the souls of the deceased to where they are supposed to go in the afterlife, an ability known as psychopomp work; and many shamans are master healers at the physical, mental-emotional, and spiritual levels of our being.

www.sharedwisdom.com/article/modern-shamen

I’ve resisted this spiritual journey every step of the way, because of the negative connotations attached to most spiritual practices that fall outside of the main stream religions. I’m a scientist and psychologist. At each step I’ve questioned my sanity, wondered whether I would be ridiculed, loose friends, gain enemies, loose livelihood.

Yet each step has brought me better health, more harmonious relationships and greater peace and sense of purpose. So why would this be any different?

I’m not saying that I’m rushing to become a fully paid up student of Shamanism, but I’m certainly considering the possibility. What is very clear from the research is the central role trance plays in this practice. Another reminder of how important meditation is.

Shamanism is about service to individuals and to the community, about helping to repair damaged bodies, emotional turmoil and to heal fragmented souls. The language of Shamanism is the same language of Constellation work. It has been suggested that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the result of a fragmented soul.

I see the use of parts integration techniques in my Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) training as related to making fragmented souls whole. Healing the whole person is the principle of all spiritual healing such as my Reiki, and sitting in a spiritual development circle is all about connecting with the spirit realm who instruct and guide us.

Maybe it’s not too big a step… like I said, at least worth considering. Thanks again R for your very helpful suggestions.

Has anyone attended any workshops in the Midlands of England? I note there are some in London but I was wandering if you know of any closer to the centre.

http://www.sharedwisdom.com/article/modern-shaman

http://www.huna.org/html/modshmn.html

http://www.modernshamanism.org/


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Session 23 – African princess and Shamans

25th March 2013 (Monday)

Tim is still sick. A virus laid him low and he’s struggling to get up, so I headed to Oak House on my own again.

‘Have you done something to upset him?’ Mary enquired jokingly.

‘Only if I’d been the bringer of the virus,’ I replied.

PICT2186There were eight of us including Mary and Zoe. Although present Zoe was not taking the circle as she’s also not well, and needed to slip out to make a call half way through the meeting.

The usual opening prayer was said and Mary checked with us whether we were happy with the format of the circle. Currently we have a mix of short meditations and skills development with the various props she introduces to us. An alternative would be to have longer meditations, focussing more on connecting with our guides, and giving messages from a more mediumistic perspective.

About half the group were in favour of the current format, a few (including me) favoured  a mix of alternating week skills and meditation, and others an occasional long meditation.

Given that there seem to be a clear consensus that meditation is the only way to really build and maintain connection with spirit, I can see that at some stage I’ll have to find a group where that’s the focus. For now I’m happy to develop the psychic skills because they are becoming increasingly useful. (I did a reading for my friend at the weekend, which she found very helpful, and one for another friend last week – also helpful). In the meantime I’ve begun meditating at home, managing up to an hour most days.

The most immediate effect has not been more messages but more peace and calm. My dramas are very short-lived, and my sleep is long and undisturbed. I shared my meditative practice with the group.

‘Did you get anything?’ someone asked.

‘For the whole hour I sat today the only thing I got was a pair of pink baby bootees,’ I answered, trying unsuccessfully to disguise my disappointment.

‘Oh, my daughter must be having a girl then,’ one of the member whose daughter’s pregnant said joyously.

It hadn’t occurred to me that it could have had anything to do with anyone in the group, though in truth it didn’t make any sense in my life.

‘OK. Our first activity today is going to be a silent meditation,’ Mary announced. ‘No guidance, just go into the silence and see what you get. About 15-20 minutes. Shall we do it with or without music?’

‘I guess if it’s silent then it should be without music,’ someone suggested, and we all agreed.

It seemed odd listening to the noises at first, the ticking clocks, the birds, the dogs scurrying on the laminate floor on the other side of the door. But as I went deeper the sounds disappeared and I had a thought of Hurricane Herbie.

‘Must remember the name Herbie,’ I reminded myself. Then I asked for a message for one of the group just to see what I’d get, and saw a plate of cooked rice, and a message, put the baby on solids.

I then drifted in that space where I cease to be me, where my body loses all form and I connect with and become the air around me. This only happens when I meditate frequently, and I always wonder why I forget to meditate frequently. In this space everything ceased and I didn’t get any messages, at least not ones I remembered when I came round.

At feedback no-one could take Herbie, and I got cold feet about telling the person I’d got the message for that I thought it was about putting the baby on solids, because I wasn’t sure if the baby I’d seen him with was his, and I didn’t want to appear foolish. So I listened to others trying to make sense of what the rice might mean for me. Even when someone told a story of how important it is to give a message as you get it I held back. I hope the person reads this as we don’t meet for another couple of weeks due to the Easter break.

Interestingly he had a message for me, or rather two. (1) He saw an African princess all dressed up in her fineries being made a fuss of. (2) He saw someone pointing at a book as if to say look in there, and heard the word Shamanism. He wondered whether I need to be researching Shamanism or working with it.

I told the group about my recent attempts to find my African roots and joked that maybe I’m royalty, that I’m really a princess. I also told him that a friend of mine had gone to a Shaman’s day yesterday and we had talked about it, so maybe the message was for her. (When I told her she quickly dismissed it and said the message was definitely for me – I need to look in to Shamanism). It’s not an area I’m particularly interested in.

‘But then you were never particularly interested in mediumship either,’ she reminded me.

Our next exercise was reading photographs, an exercise we did once before in this circle and also in the Thursday one. There were varying degrees of success, and we ended with another trance demonstration from Zoe to gain some words of wisdom from her guide.

It took her a little longer than usual to totally connect with her guide, (maybe because she was a little unwell) and as I watched I marvelled at how quickly this had become common-place to me.

As usual her guide thanked us for being willing to work with them and gave us encouragement to keep adhering to the practices that opens the channels to their communication with us.

After the Easter break I’ll only be going to alternate Monday circle and alternate Thursday ones, and I shall miss seeing members of the group weekly. There is a real closeness in the group and I feel very supported. Any fear or apprehension about looking foolish is in my own head, this is a very supportive place to be.

Are there any practising Shamans out there? How did you get involved? Would you recommend it?


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Session 22 – Spiralling to angels and a wishing well

21st March 2013 (Thursday)

We were a big group tonight, twelve including Greg, but with only two men. No new people tonight so everyone had a place and we began with a meditation taking us up a spiral staircase. I was a little confused when Greg said ‘You’re at the bottom of a spiral staircase.’

At first I saw the staircase from a few weeks ago, the one in the old building I was being pulled up. Then it changed into a metal one outside with no building around it. I hovered between the two before deciding on the inside one. At least I’d been there before, it felt familiar.

‘Put your foot on the first step and feel the red under your feet. Feel it coming up through your body bringing warmth and healing to anywhere that needs it,’ Greg instructed us.

I felt the heat rising up through my feet, my legs, my thighs, torso and running down into my arms, and my wrists. Yes the wrist is still slightly swollen, though it does appear to be going down a little.

The Secret Language of your body

The Secret Language of your body

(Did I mention what Inna Segal says about the causes of wrist problems? No? These are the possible contributing factors. Feeling chained, stuck, overworked. Difficulty changing your mind; seeing other points of view; and letting go of the pain, stress and fear that binds you. Needing to be right and in control.) Some of these I can take.

Anyway, back to the meditation. Greg took us up the steps through the chakra colours, each time pausing to allow the healing of the colour to work through us, and I was fine till we got to the crown chakra, when I must have dosed off. I woke up again when we were looking into a well. I didn’t know how we’d got there but Greg said, ‘Look into the well, see your reflection.’

As I watched my reflection I gradually got younger, back to about teenage years before getting older again – back to how I look now (about 25 Haha!).

‘Make a wish.’ Greg said, and I wished for peace. There are so many other things I could have wished for, but I know from experience that when I’m peaceful on the inside everything on the outside works, or if they don’t I don’t get irritated by them.

During the feedback I realised that the bit I missed when I dosed was meeting our angels at the top of the stairs, and stepping into the clouds with their support to the well. They must have done it anyway because I made it there.

No one had a take on me getting younger, but later in discussion with a friend I worked out it may be related to working with teenagers again. I used to do this many moons ago (and me being only 25 you gasp), and said I wouldn’t do it again. But today I accepted an invitation to work with a group of 18-25 year olds on an ‘into business’ course.

Power Animal Oracle Cards

Power Animal Oracle Cards

There was an eager buzz as we all rummaged through Greg’s suitcase of cards, as that was our main activity for the night. I chose the animal pack that I’ve been working with at home because I have a notion of using them with children and young people who may otherwise be wary of other kinds of cards. My partner chose a pack of angel cards.

She chose the HORSE and the RAVEN which I read without the accompanying book (Greg said I was the only one allowed to use the book because the animal pack was so different to the others). Her third card, the MOOSE, I read from the book. It basically reinforced everything I’d said in the previous two cards. It gave me a modicum confidence to trust my intuition.

I did a past, present, future reading with her angel cards. The past card was INNOCENCE, about letting go of guilt and shame. The second card was CHILD about connecting well with and working with children; also about nurturing my inner child. I can’t remember the title of the third card but it was about focusing only on my desires because I’m manifesting quickly.

I had a chance to work with and have a long chat to the other black lady who has the same name as my sister. It was very refreshing to hear the story of her journey to circle. She reiterated the power of meditation.

One of the members did a demonstration reading for Greg and I learned a bit more about ignoring the writing on the card if they don’t make sense to you and focusing instead on the pictures and your own intuition.

There was a really beautiful energy in the room as Greg lead the closing prayer.

Couple of questions. Do you have another view on why I went for the old stairs? Or on why I got younger when I looked into the well? Please feel free to comment on anything else. Always appreciated.


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Can we really see the future?

19th March 2013 (Tuesday)

I saw something and then it happened exactly (well almost) as I saw it. This is the second time this has happened to me; once years ago when I was very pleased with the outcome and this time when I was not.

PICT1572During circle on Monday I asked about a relationship, about whether it was time to cease contact as I seemed to have outgrown it. My friend and I were no longer resonating (as they say) on the same frequency. The answer had been to ‘do nothing it will naturally cease when you’ve both learned all you need to.’

I went home and began trawling through some email correspondence from my friend for clues about what to do when she called me. That was the first shock. She very rarely calls, we mostly correspond by text or email.

She was calling to say she was on her way to Bristol (from Manchester), would be returning the following day and could she stay over at mine for the night for a catch up as we haven’t seen each other in a while.

‘What time?’ I asked, still a little surprised, but not wishing to sound trite by saying ‘I was just reading your emails,’ because I know she’s quite sceptical about some of this stuff.

‘About 6.30’ she replied, but I’ll text you when I’m leaving.

‘Ok’ I agreed, mentally re-jigging my evening.

That’s when it happened. I saw a text from her at 6.25 p.m. which said, ‘sorry can’t make it.’

‘Are you sure?’ she asked, and I wondered if I’d given something away in my voice.

‘Yeah sure.’

‘See you then.’ She was gone. I think she must be on the lowest tariff ever as that’s the usual length of calls she makes to me. Calls I make to her tend to be slightly longer, but she’s not a great on for the phone. (Must be missing a few pink genes.)

I didn’t think about it too much that night as I was having dinner with a friend and doing a reading for her, so I needed my head clear. (That’s another story) However, on waking on Tuesday morning I was drawn to this image of the text again. I went about the day making preparations for her arrival, only half expecting her to arrive, so clear was the text.

At 16.52 I received a text ‘Just leaving Bristol. Will let you know when I find arrival time.’

OK I thought, I must have been wrong. I thought about the last time I had a similar experience. I was doing a poetry performance and a friend had said he’d come to see me. As I got dressed to go out that night I saw him walk in and sit on a chair by the door. It was like a scene that’s lit up by the flash of a camera. It was that quick, but very clear. I waited all night and he didn’t show. Just as they were about to close the doors he slid in and sat in the chair I’d seen him in.

So maybe it wasn’t going to be another one of those occasions. From six o’clock onwards I kept my phone close in case she text me with little time to get to the station (another of her traits).

At 18.19 I saw her text and was by now convinced she’d be telling me her arrival time. It read:

‘Really sorry. Very tired. Decided to go on home. Hope you not too disappointed. Let’s arrange to link soon.’

BINGO!

There it was, as I’d seen it, only six minutes early.

I text back immediately, Yes, disappointed (could have done other things with my day than sort out her room etc) – a little. I must be getting better. I saw this. The wonder would have been if you’d made it. Yes. Next time.

‘Sorry, intention was there x’ she apologised again.

Now, mild annoyance aside, I’ve been wondering if these are just flukes or if I have the ability to see things before they happen. The first incident was about 2008 and I wasn’t sitting in circle then. I was doing some ascension work at the time but nothing specifically around developing psychically.

Have you had similar experiences? Were they a one off or have they become more regular? Is there any way to work on this area specifically, because, quite frankly it could be a very useful skill.


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Session 21 – Distant diagnosis and GRACE

18th March 2013 (Monday)

No Tim again this week. He was doing a heavy cold, came in handy for people to send healing to later.

We were a smaller than usual group too, even with a new person we were still only six including Mary. She explained that Zoe couldn’t be with us today due to family commitments. She also explained the importance of opening up to the new person, who had not sat in circle before, and said a good way to begin a circle is with a prayer. This is where we invite our spirit guides, angels, ascended masters, God, or Source Energy to join us. She suggested as we were so few in number that we all had a go doing an opening prayer.

 

White light

White light

Public praying was something that used to terrify me, but after the last time Mary made us do one (the day me and Tim turned up on our own) it lost its fear. One member was quickly volunteered by Mary to start and we went round in a circle from her. That made me third, and bought me enough time to think of something to say.

Earlier that day I’d had a sharp reminder that my life here is not about ‘getting’ but about giving, about being of service to others. There’s a bit in the Course in Miracles that says something like, ‘only what I’m not giving am I not getting.’ So after asking God to join us and giving thanks for the fact that we could meet today, I asked that we all be reminded of our service role, and that the circle be used for the service of all in it and the wider world. There were short, medium and long prayers, all very expressive and effective.

The next exercise was a guided meditation from a CD in which we were led to an old man in a garden. We had to ask him a question concerning an issue we were facing, and listen carefully to his answer.

I asked about a relationship and whether it was time to terminate contact with a person. The old man answered that when we had learned all we need to from each other the contact would naturally cease.

The next exercise was to pick a card from a tray on which was written one word. We then had to try and figure out what, if anything, the word was trying to tell us about an issue or issues going on in our lives. I pulled GRACE, and inwardly groaned.

Grace is one of those words that I’ve never understood the meaning of, not like love or peace or joy or integrity. Grace is a complete mystery to me, and I said so. Mary offered a definition. That it was doing the right thing even if you know the other person is being a right s—t. If you know better then do better, by recognising that the other person may not be functioning at your level of development.

I instantly found a situation where I could apply that definition, one that had been causing me a bit of grief for few weeks. I thought about how it would be if I approached the situation from a point of love than from judgment self-righteous indignation, and instantly felt more at peace. My Course in Miracles lesson for the day incidentally was ‘I am entitled to miracles.’ And a miracle is a change of mind. I felt as though one had happened there. I had seen a situation differently and it brought peace.

Next Mary asked us to think about a missing member who couldn’t be with us but had suggested that we asked our spirit guides to show us his medical condition. We sat silently with closed eyes for about five minutes. There were no two answers the same, so if we were all right he must be riddled with complaints. I got ‘blood condition, possibly anaemia’. Turned out he has a bladder infection; someone got ‘gall’, so I guess he was the closest.

We then closed by holding hands in a circle, bringing down white healing energy and sending it around the group. Very similar to my very first circle where I saw it in the crystal ball before it happened. We asked for it to be sent out to Tim and everyone else in the prayer book, and then grounded the energy into the earth to help with the earth’s healing.

I think finishing exactly on time was so novel that someone asked if we could have some healing. It was two on one healing. One person sat in a chair, one stood behind with hand on shoulder and one sat in front and placed hands where suggested by the sitter.

I was so tired I was happy to be the first in my group of three. I asked for my wrists to be held as I still have one slightly swollen. It was beautifully soothing, I saw lots of pink light, and I could have happily gone to sleep. Alas no, as it was soon my turn to be healer. I picked up shoulder pain in one partner and back of the legs issues in another. Both confirmed these as accurate. I felt both in my body.

It was a lovely, relaxed session.

I looked up grace when I got home. Here’s a definition I like.

‘The exercise of love, kindness, mercy, favour, disposition to benefit or serve another.’

What about you, what does grace mean to you?


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Cloud Atlas

I’ve just come back from watching Cloud Atlas, a two hour and forty four minutes long film that seemed to go by in a flash. Yes I’d been sitting still for a long time but it was only at the end that I noticed my bum was sore.

I won’t say I was gripped from the beginning, more like puzzled, but as the story developed I was completely drawn in. I haven’t read the book, but I’d watched the trailers and read a couple of reviews so I knew it was a film about reincarnation. Watching each of the main actors play six different characters was challenging at first but I soon got used to it.

Throughout the message was one that we that we do not meet anyone by accident, and that we have a duty to those around us. As one character says ‘from womb to tomb our lives do not belong to us. We have a duty to everyone we’re connected to,’ or words to that effect.

I don’t want to spoil it for anyone but I wanted to mention it because it encapsulated so much of my recent learning about ancestors, slavery, truth and the compulsion to follow a certain path. Again, when a character asked another, ‘how do you know when you have to do something?’ She replies, ‘when you know you cannot not do it.’ Even if it means your own death.

I’m not looking to die anytime soon, but if that’s what it would take to live my truth I know I would do what I could not not do. Sorry about the double speak, but as A Course In Miracles student I’m used to it.

I urge you to go and see this film. Let me know what you think. One to buy and watch again I think.