Writing Creatively With Spirit

A journey of psychic discovery


DNA links me to Cameroon

I was not expecting the results of my DNA test to arrive today, and I wasn’t expecting it in a brown envelope. I was not expecting my heart to beat so fast when I saw the African Ancestry logo and realised what was in the envelope. I did not expect to be able to contain myself till someone arrived who could record me opening the envelope, and I didn’t expect to feel such a wave of relief to finally have a place to feel connected to in Africa.

Knowing that my genetic ancestry was with people living in Cameroon was one thing, but as someone remarked, ‘It’s never clear-cut with you, is it Predencia?’

What he was referring to was the fact that I share genes with four different groups; the Bubi people living in Bioko Island (Equatorial Guinea), and the Tikar, Hausa, and Fulani people living in Cameroon. After much research on all four peoples I decided to ask the ancestors via dowsing. There was a resounding YES for links to the TIKAR people.

Predencia's African Ancestry results

Predencia’s African Ancestry results

So unless someone tells me otherwise, that’s what it is. It feels like after five weeks (or all my life) of holding my breath I can breathe out.

Apparently Condoleezza Rice and Quincy Jones are also TIKAR.


Snake bite dream

Saturday 20th April 2013

I bought a snake. This in itself wasn’t unusual because I’d owned snakes before. I was allowing it to wrap itself around my right arm being careful to keep its mouth away from me. I thought I had it under control when it suddenly turned and plunged its fangs into my arm.

Interestingly, it didn’t hurt, and I watched it trying to think of what to do, how to get its fangs out of my arm. This had never happened to me before. I watched it for a while before I began to panic because I didn’t know what to do. Whatever I did, shaking my arm, pulling at it, it fangs remained firmly wedged in my arm. Then suddenly, as though it was bored, it let go.

Animal Spirit Guides Stephen D Farmer, PH.D.

Animal Spirit Guides
Stephen D Farmer, PH.D.

I know snakes are about healing, but this didn’t feel like a healing situation. I looked up snakes in Stephen Farmer’s Animal Spirit Guides. He has a lot to say about snakes.

  • You’re about to go through some significant personal changes so intense and dramatic that an old self will metaphorically die as a new self emerges.
  • You’re going to feel a surge of energy that will sharpen your senses, alert your mental faculties, and open up new channels of awareness.
  • You’re about to resolve a long-standing issue, one that requires a great deal of your attention, by seeing things in a new light.
  • It would be a good time for you to start doing either tantric or kundalini yoga.
  • You’ll experience a physical or emotional healing soon, coming from an unexpected source.
  • If the snake is a Boa-constrictor, extricate yourself from a situation that’s suffocating your growth.

I had this dream the night before setting off for my week in Wales. Was I about to encounter some dramatic change while away and open up new channels of awareness? But why did the snake plunge its fangs into me, and why couldn’t I do anything to get them out?

I thought perhaps it was to do with resolving a long-standing issue. It was a situation I’d brought upon myself (I’d bought the snake) but one where the solution was not in my hands. The message being that I wouldn’t have to do anything, to allow the solution to be found.

There was one situation that immediately sprung to mind. All the way down on the three hour journey I thought of how a text or phone call could set healing in motion. I couldn’t decide if the person would accept the olive branch, but I could at least offer it. Which is exactly what I did within half an hour of arriving, and he resolved the situation.

If you can think of anything else I’ve missed in this scenario I’d be most interested to hear your views. I am still fascinated by the images and scenarios of dreams and meditations.

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Session 27 – Picture this

April 29th 2013 (Monday)

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1346After my week in Wales in (almost) solitude, pretty much talking to spirit morning, noon and night, it was exciting to be joining others to share the experience. No Tim today. I’m not sure if the novelty’s worn off or if he’s weighed down with work. It’s unlike him not to call me or to respond to my call. I hope he’s alright.

I was looking forward to today’s session as we’d had a text from Mary toward the end of last week informing us that as she had a hospital appointment, and as she couldn’t vouch for the NHS’s flexible timing,  Zoe would be taking the session.  She also said a new lady would be joining us, that she was at university and wanted to include mediumship in her thesis. I was intrigued and was quite looking forward to meeting with this lady, not least because I’m toying with the idea of doing a doctorate in creative writing, and would like to look at the paranormal, as this feature strongly in my second novel Betrayed.

It may be just a small thing but the door was opened when I got there, so I let myself in and found the others in the conservatory. I can’t believe how excited I was to be back. Somehow this place is beginning to feel like a second home. Not just the building but the people in it are very welcoming. Zoe and Mary were there (NHS was flexible in Mary’s favour today), plus two others. After hugs and pecks on cheeks six of us settled in the main room to begin.

PICT2217After the opening prayer Zoe asked one of the other members to lead us through a relaxation meditation during which we heard the doorbell ring. Shortly afterwards someone else joined us. It wasn’t till we came round from the meditation that I noticed it was a new lady.

I was so chilled by then that I totally forgot to ask if she was from the university. In any case she didn’t appear to be from the university as she joined in and took part in our first activity.

Zoe gave us all an A4 piece of paper marked into four squares. Each one contained a shape (circle, triangle, X, long thin oblong)  from which we were to make drawing.

‘When you’ve done your drawings you’ll be working in pairs to give each other readings from your pictures,’ she said handing out clipboards and pens. My heart sank. I really am no artist.

In the silence which followed I drew a tree with deep roots,  leaves on the ground and a rounded top in the long thin oblong  square. In the X square I drew a noughts and crosses game with a boy and girl on either side. In the triangle square I drew a car going into a tunnel with the headlights on, and in the circle one a large face with a faint smile, freckles, with stubble on chin and head.

PICT2186I say this is what I drew because that’s what they were in my head. While my partner could make out three of them, the car going into the tunnel had to be explained, and I admired her restraint not to burst out laughing.

Hers was an ironing board, a Chinese man kneeling down with hands clasped as if in prayer, a plain open face with a single curl of hair that resembled a question mark, and a butterfly. I looked at both sets of drawing wondering what the hell we were going to make of them.

‘Shall I go first?’ my partner asked, and I was more than happy to let her. It would give me a bit more time to study her pictures and try to get something from them.

‘You’re very rooted,’ she began looking at the tree picture. ‘You’re a very giving person, even after the harvest is over you still provide for others. This is what these leave mean. Moving on to the noughts and crosses she said I had a very playful nature, but that I could, if I wanted to, play mind games with men. If I was doing that it was probably not a very helpful thing to do.

‘You’re going deeper into your spirituality,’ she said after silently observing the car picture for a while. ‘Sometimes it feel a little daunting, like you don’t know what you’re getting into, but you’ve trusted it this far and you can keep trusting it. The headlights are showing you the way, keep your eyes and ears open and you’ll have nothing to fear.

She had a little more difficulty with the face, not knowing if it was a genuine smile of if the person it represented was hiding behind a smile, not sure if it was me or someone else.

I guess I’m still a little surprised at how we reveal ourselves in the little things we do and say, and where we’re not very obvious spirit steps in and fill in the blanks. I wasn’t aware that I was playing mind games, but after she mentioned it I examined a situation I’m dealing with at the moment and realised that I’ve been accusing someone of playing mind games. I wondered it was that he’s the one playing mind games, or whether I need to examine myself a little more deeply. The other things all made sense.  I just hoped I could come somewhere close with my reading for her.

I began with the ironing board, a sigh of domesticity, and I was going to ask if she’s longing to get away from the drudgery of housework, but what came out of my mouth was,

‘You are very good at ironing out problems for other people, you  can see what needs to be done, and while you won’t push it down people’s throats they will respect your take on a problem. They won’t always take your advice but they will come for it.’

Do not ask me where that came from. She agreed and elaborated a bit more on what I’d said. The Chinese man was about spending more time in meditation, or at least going deeper in meditation, too much of her meditation was scratching around at the surface, more depth was required.

‘You’re a very open person,’ I told her looking at the face with the question mark curl, ‘what you see is what you get with you. Sometimes people can read you like a book, but that’s OK, being any other way wouldn’t feel right for you. The message here is that if you’ve been thinking that people take advantage of you because you are so open, and that you need to keep thing to yourself a little more – don’t. Stay open.’

‘When I first saw the butterfly I thought it was about your transformation, but I’ve just been told that you’re helping someone to transform, and in that you’re finding your own transformation.’

She filled in the missing bits in what was essentially an accurate reading. I realise that I am learning to trust more of what comes to me and not try to censor it.

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1370As if that wasn’t enough Zoe then asked us to focus on one person at a time and try to get messages about their spiritual as well as material development. We began with on only man as he had to leave early.  As there were seven of us it took some time and would take many words to describe in detail all the messages we got, suffice to say that everyone recognised and accepted something from everyone.

I’ve got past the stage where I thought people were probably doing it to be polite and not hurt feelings if the messages didn’t make sense. So many of the messages they gave to me made sense. One of the women said she saw an eagle and a hummingbird. They were the animal cards I drew this morning – she had no way of knowing that. One told me that I needed to believe I am as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside. I’ve been doing affirmations around this issue – she didn’t know that. One saw a white opening lotus as my spiritual message – spiritually I’m opening up. One saw me in a sequinned dress in September, one saw me under a spotlight, one saw someone putting money into my hands, another saw Archangel Michael with me and that he had a message for me – to ground myself (she wasn’t aware of the tree I’d drawn and the interpretation that had been made of it). ’ Another said she saw a long line of ancestors behind me, stretching in a long line, way, way, back.

I had the most amazing feeling that something beautiful is about to happen, especially when one said she saw traffic lights on amber and the message was ‘get ready’.

As you can tell, I was very, very excited. Worth a week of solitude to come back to this. I was so taken with all this activity that I completely forgot to ask about the woman from the university. Maybe she’ll come another day.



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Love is not a reward – but wine is

I’ve done it. Completed the first draft of Love is Not a Reward two days ahead of schedule. After missing the end of March deadline I was gutted. With two more chapters to write I set a new one of 17th April. I started the last chapter on Sunday. By Monday afternoon, despite a break to go to the psychic development circle, I finished it by 5 p.m. The words seemed to fly  out from the tips of my fingers onto the screen.

I’d already planned to go to a friend’s house for dinner so it was just a case of adding an extra glass of wine to celebrate. However, the big celebration will come when I’ve finished the editing – hopefully by the end of the month.


Journey to meet my twin flame

Tuesday 16th April 2013

PICT1116I did this fantastic meditation from youtube, and was astonished to find that my twin flame is a little girl, dressed in yellow who offered me a yellow ribbon as a gift. I was lead to her by an old grey man. I think he’s the one that helped me with Betrayed. Not really sure how twin flames fit with A Course in Miracles. It was a nice meditation though. I felt very connected to this little girl, but it felt like she was the one protecting me instead of the other way round.

As requested Lizzie here’s the meditation


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Session 26 – Talking stick philosophy

15th April 2013 (Monday)

I arrived at Oak House with another visitor today, not one new to the centre but new to the Monday circle. He’d been a couple of times to the Thursday evening one and thought he’d try one in the day too. Sadly Tim wasn’t able to make it – pressure of work.

PICT2186As we entered the main room one of the members was busy putting chairs in a circle.

‘How many shall I put out?’ she asked after the introductions had been done.

‘Eight,’ I answered without thinking.

We went to meet some of the others hanging out in the conservatory, because finally we got some sun. It looked like there was a member to member card tuition going on, but those who weren’t included basked in the sun and enjoyed a chat before being called to order by Mary.

When we filed in she asked if we could lose some of the chairs as there were only eight of us and twelve chairs had been put out.

‘Didn’t you listen?’ I joked with the member who’d put the chairs out. It was, after all a lucky guess (or was it?).

She welcomed our new member, assured him he was safe in the company of a fairly mad group, and encouraged him to say a little about himself. Then, true to her form of asking us to take turns to say the opening prayer, Mary sought out the one who looked least like wanting to do it – and asked me.

‘Was I so obviously hiding?’ I asked.

‘Yes,’ came a chorus from the others. Next time I’ll try looking with eager anticipation.

My prayers are short and usually consist of thanking God for bringing us together, for what we are going to learn, and for reminding us that our lives and what we learn are to be used in service to others. This was no different.

Our first exercise was a meditation to a CD of Buddhist chants. It began eastern sounding enough, but changed a little way in and became very Southern African. It had a very odd beat (or non-beat) which made it difficult to be lulled into any kind of rhythm. I found it a very effective piece to keep the mind focused and not wander off.

After twenty minutes of this we were all chilled enough to be only mildly alarmed when Mary announced that she was going to get the talking stick from the other room.

There was a ripple of ‘talking stick, what’s a talking stick,’ as Mary left, and we were no clearer till she returned with a wooden stick, about eighteen inches long, on which were carved symbols. It had several silver studs inserted into the wood near the handle and was a prop of the late great medium of the centre.

‘We’re going to use this talking stick to give a philosophy from spirit,’ Mary explained. I will pass it to someone who will speak for five minutes about what spirit means to them. When they’ve finished they will pass it to someone else who will also speak for five minute, and so on.’

‘Five minutes on spirit?’ I was thinking. It was bad enough being asked to do a few minutes last time but how the hell was I going to talk for five minutes about what spirit is, especially if I’m not first. Everybody will have said what I’d want to say by then. For the first time ever, since joining these circles I was disappointed that I wasn’t first. In fact I was fourth, and had some pretty impressive acts to follow.

I think I’m getting better at trusting spirit to tell me what to say, because after my initial mini fit I became calm again, reminding myself that whatever came out of my mouth was what was supposed to come out, nothing more, nothing less. And if I was ever going to be asked publicly at short notice to speak about what spirit means to me, what safer place to practice than here?

When I was handed the stick I knew the first sentence that I would start with, after that I trusted spirit. I talked about the first time, ten years ago when I consciously reconnected with spirit – or should I say, they connected with me. Up until then I’d been busy denying the existence of any such things, and would have quite happily recommended a good psychiatrist for people who did. I guess people could be recommending the same for me now.

It was amazing how quickly the five minutes went and I was handing the stick over to someone else.

Only one of us had to rush off straight away at 2.30 so we officially closed, but the rest of us agreed to do one more exercise.

Mary must have had a theme of surprises for yesterday, because or final exercise was to stand up and give an impromptu reading to any one in the group. My heart sank, and I started to wish I’d said I needed to rush off as well.

PICT2188You see, I really don’t see myself as a medium in that way, giving random messages to people from a stage. When I joined the circles it was very much with a view that it would help with my writing – hence the title of this blog. And so it was that I waited in trepidation for my turn to come round. It was seven minutes to three and I saw my opportunity to get out of this.

‘I’m really sorry but I have to be gone by three,’ I apologised as the last person sat down after delivering an excellent reading.

‘Oh, you’ve just got time to do a couple of minutes then,’ Mary said. Does this woman never give up?

I dragged myself to the front, choose my person and – nothing – a totally blank head. I stared at her and tried to find something useful to say but nothing came.

‘Give her a colour,’ Mary suggested.

‘Blue,’ said my sitter.

‘Blue,’ I repeated, buying time to see if something would come. Then I noticed that my sitter was helpfully mouthing ‘communication’ at me and pointing to her throat charka.

Then suddenly something kicked in and I began to tell her how she was getting much clearer with her delivery of messages, that she was trusting it more, not trying to censor or paraphrase it. I talked about her increasing confidence and the benefits this was bringing to the people to whom she delivered the messages.

After I’d rabbitted on for a bit I just suddenly stopped, as if nothing more was there.

As I returned to my seat, and for several hours after I reflected on how suddenly the words had arrived, how meaningful they were to the sitter, and how suddenly they’d stopped.

When will I learn to move myself out of the way? Any short cut tips you can recommend?

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Where did all these lizards come from?

Saturday 13th April 2013

Not quite a lizard but from the same family

Not quite a lizard but from the same family

Dream 1. I’m walking through an underground market precinct with a lady I’ve met, where most of the booths are boarded up, but some look as though new businesses are starting up. One or two look very professional, more like shops than market booths. I told her I hoped they’d do well.

Dream 2. In another dream I was on a training course. Everyone got paired off to work together. I didn’t have a partner, but I didn’t seem bothered.

Dream 3. In dream number 3 I was playing tennis with a past house mate and a woman from the training course.

Dream 4. The longest dream (which is the one I woke up from – I had a busy night) was one in which me and my friend Marcia were in an old hotel in Birmingham. My friend’s from Manchester. It was once a glorious hotel but was now looking old and tired. I went out for something, a meeting I think, and left Marcia at the hotel.

Whenever I went to call her on my phone the number went straight to an advert for the hotel.

I met a woman who was staying at the same hotel and walked around with her. She told me she was renovating the rooms she was staying in. We walked back to the hotel together. My room was at the top of a long set of stairs.

As we walked up the stairs they were festooned with lizards of all different sizes. We had to tread carefully so as not to stand on them. There were sometimes three of four on a step. I wasn’t afraid of them, but I did feel uncomfortable.

The lady said she was looking for a handy man who had his own tools. I ask if she didn’t know that Tim (from my Monday circle) was a handyman. She said she knew him but didn’t know he was a builder.

When I got back to my room Marcia was in bed. She’d propped the door open so I’d be able to get back in.

‘I tried calling you,’ she said, ‘but it always went back to what on that,’ she looked up at the clock on the wall.

‘Same here,’ I said, ‘but mine was adverts.’

Later she read something from a newspaper about lack of funding for research projects and was concerned that her son might be affected.

Somehow we ended up in the partly renovated room of the woman I’d climbed the stairs with.

I looked up lizards and found loads of definitions. It appears they’re very popular and significant in many cultures. I think the definitions below resonates with me most. Feels like what’s going on in my life at the moment.


Lizard helps us stay connected to our intuition, and build a confidence into trusting our own instincts.  Subtle movements and changes around us become easier to detect as our awareness develops, perceiving what others may have missed.  They are connected to the Dreamtime in aboriginal and some native cultures which integrate that knowing into our Dream states. A confidence in your perceptions comes easier and stronger when working with the wisdom of the Lizard.

Some lizards have the ability to lose their tail and grow one back. This can be symbolic for another important lizard lesson…the ability to “let go of” or detach from something that is no longer needed in order to move on, survive, and grow. (For example, letting go of old emotional baggage that may be preventing us from moving forward and trying something new)

 Lizard helps us with objectivity and putting things in perspective


For the full article go to Conscious Arts Studio where there are some lovely pictures of lizards.


Shamanic dance

Friday 12th April 2013

One hour version of the thirty minute one I did a few days ago, but it felt much, much longer. There were some similarities but quite a few differences.

Shamanic meditation 

Although I got into trance it took longer. Not sure if it’s because it was daytime, (not 1.30 a.m.) and I wasn’t on a high from completing a chapter.

I drifted in and out of trance, not stayed there throughout like last time.

I had three images. The first was of me walking around my kitchen getting a drink of orange squash (interesting because I don’t have orange squash in my kitchen).

The I saw an Alsatian dog pacing up and down at the bottom of my garden, he arrived and disappeared very quickly, but was clearly impatient.

Next I was out in a wood. People with drums surrounded me and started playing. (I wonder if I made this up because at that stage the drums were very insistent).

There were times when I felt my body moving involuntarily to the music, mainly my shoulders doing their own dance.

I reached states of high sexual arousal. Is this normal??????

Not much to say really, other than to note the appearance of another dog. I feel like I need more time to try and analyse what I’m being shown in these meditations.

If you have a spare minute and want to offer an explanation I’d be more than happy to receive it – gladly.

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White horse dream

11th April 2013

I arrive late for a Tai Chi class. A white horse runs to meet me. It’s quite a small horse only reaches my waist. I stroke it; I remember it from the last time I was here when I was riding it. I’m pleased it remembers me. All the class are doing a Tai Chi moving meditation as I stroke the mini horse.

I did a little research, seems horses have quite a number of meanings. Often, horse dreams are interpreted as signs of courage, success and wealth. On the other hand, certain equine reveries may be regarded as portending challenges, dangers and struggles as well.

A white horse in a dream may signal pleasure, prosperity and positive outcomes.

I guess the fact that my horse was smaller than usual means that I just get half of the above, half the wealth but only half the dangers and struggles.

I looked up the Shamanic meaning of horses at horsejourneys.com, given that I did a Shamanic meditation just before going to bed. This is what it said:

Horses are our willing mentors, but we have to be willing to give something up to enter their world. We have to give up our attitudes of dominance and control that interferes with our ability to really listen, trust and learn. One of the first teachings that can come from working with horses is learning how to befriend your emotional nature and opening to new ways of consciousness.

The message could definitely be about opening to new way of consciousness. It was a really nice dream though.

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Shamanic meditation

Thursday 11th April 2013

It’s 1.30 a.m. I’m on a high because I’ve just finished the fifth of six chapters of Love is not a Reward, a friend has sent me a link to a Shamanic event in Liverpool and it looks interesting. There are links to Shamanic meditation music and I think ‘what the hell, let me have a go.’

Wall art in Digbeth Birmingham

Wall art in Digbeth Birmingham

It’s a thirty minute drumming and rattle piece with recommendations to listen through headphones or through big speakers. I opt for the former with soft candle light and a little apprehension.

The effect of the drumming is instant. Within seconds I can feel the vibrations in my body, even though the volume is not high. It pushes all thoughts out of my head and replaces them with a feeling of being spoken to so quickly and insistently that nothing else can stay in my head.

Quite quickly I feel my body disappear, blend into the bed, the air around me. Not the floaty feeling I get sometimes in other meditations, just an instant nothingness. And for a while that’s all there is – the drums and rattles in my head.

Because I’ve lost track of time I don’t know how long it is before I see a person carrying a flag on a long pole. S/he walks up and lays the pole down in front of me. Another image I get is of a person struggling to control five dogs, all tied to the same lead and all straining to get to me.

Before I know it the thirty minutes are up and I return to my body refreshed and WIDE AWAKE. (Maybe not such a great state as I have to get up early for coaching).

Have you ever done a Shamanic meditation? What was your experience?

I couldn’t find anything meaningful about the flag, and I believe dogs mean protection, but why five? Any other views?