Friday 29th March 2013
I found out my grandmother’s name. It’s Christianna Benjamin nee Morgan. During my meditation I set the intention to connect with her and to be given a sign that I was connected. I had a tickling around my third eye and on the left side of my neck.
I saw a thimble, and later thread and a needle. Was she a good seamstress? Did I hear that somewhere? Then I had the thought of stitching together a patchwork quilt.
I dropped in and out of nothingness, but in between I thought about my dream from the night before in which I was trying to hide from a previous boss. I’d been trying to dodge him for ages hiding in all kinds of places before suddenly deciding that I’d done nothing wrong and, despite all the people who’d been trying to hide and protect me, I came out openly and challenged him. He didn’t pursue the issues and I realised that I needn’t have hidden for so long.
In the same dream I needed the toilet and had to go a long way to find it, (even though I was convinced that there was one closer). A woman snuck in before me, but fortunately there was more than one cubicle. The wall was flat, and the toilet bowl emerged from it and looked a little flimsy as it had no solid base attaching it to the floor. It had un-flushed poo in. I needed to do a poo but was conscious of people in the next cubicle so held on to it, just did a wee while pondering the oddness of the toilet.
Somebody once told me that poo in dreams is related to money. Does this dream mean that I found some (in the bowl) but was too embarrassed to add mine to it? Do you know anything about poo in dreams?
And what about the thimble and the patchwork quilt? I was wondering if it could mean that I’m to pull together all the different things that I’m learning into one. Maybe create something new and different from all the bits. Any thoughts?
And finally, I got the thought that it would be a good idea to write about my Family Constellation experiences.
When I was researching Shamanism I found people’s personal experiences really helpful. Constellations are about soul integration, about making whole the fragmented soul that has suffered trauma. This is also the aim of Shamanism.
It may require a bit of delving into journals but each experience was so profound that they are clearly documented.