Writing Creatively With Spirit

A journey of psychic discovery


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Family Constellation

Brockhampton Parish Hall was host to the Family Constellation

Brockhampton Parish Hall was host to the Family Constellation

I spent yesterday at a Family Constellation event in Brockhampton, Herefordshire, trying to find an underlying spiritual cause for my loss of sight as the medical professional cannot come up with a satisfactory one. What, I hear you ask, is Family Constellation?

Family Constellations is a gentle and profound way of looking at and bringing healing to situations that hold us back and create unhappiness in our lives.

Fields of poppies in the sun at Brockhampton at 9 a.m.

Fields of poppies in the sun at Brockhampton at 9 a.m.

They can uncover hidden dynamics and loyalties which entangle us with others, helping us to discover ways of healing and resolution, whether it be related to family, friendships, professional life or community. When the inner order of the family is re-established with love, the way is free for our own potential and task. The process can be deeply moving and often shows surprising solutions.

Charaka Satyam Danaher

Brockhampton Parish Church with a beautiful thatch roof.

Brockhampton Parish Church with a beautiful thatch roof.

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Family Constellation Part 2

Hereford Constellation Part Two 30th June 2013

As well as bringing your own issues to Family Constellation there is great learning to be had from participating in other people’s issues. A group will uncannily reflect each other in what they bring, and so what isn’t addressed directly in your own constellation can be addressed in someone else’s.

The following are offered as examples of my own learning and does not reflect the full constellation for the persons involved. They will also offer an insight into the interrelatedness of issues in the group. For that I would need their permission and I haven’t sought that. All the names have been changed.

In Phillip’s constellation I represented South Africa (he was Africa in mine). It transpired that some of his issues resulted in the black side of the family being rejected.

In Kelly’s I represented her. There were issues around unborn children, the same number as me. In fact three of us in the group had lost children prior to birth, and needed to do an exercise around placing our existing children in their rightful order. (I cover this in greater detail in Constellation One).

In an addendum to the constellation Kelly’s issues with her own mother were being addressed.

Shakti asked her to say, ‘You are the right mother for me. I am the right daughter for you. You were exactly the mother I needed to learn the lessons I needed to learn.’

I realised as she spoke that these were words I could easily have said to Jamaica. ‘You are the right mother land for me.’

During the ensuing discussion along the lines of ‘the more difficult the relationship the bigger the lessons and the stronger it makes you when you’ve learned them’ I realised that I learned a lot from being Jamaican, and that I will learn a lot more as a result of Jamaica’s difficulties. If I’d wanted easy lesson I’d have chosen to be born somewhere more quiet and sedate.

But no – I chose Jamaica for the lessons it could teach me, just like I choose my biological parents for the lessons they could teach me.

I need to examine Jamaica more closely to understand how she runs through my veins, and claim this tiny island that has such influence on the world stage.

In addition to the constellations Shakti did a couple of exercises with the whole group.

  1. In one we had to work in pairs. The first person had to open his arms and allow me to walk into them. Then we swopped over. This was to teach us how to allow people and thing to come to us, rather than chasing after them.
  2. In the second exercise we had to choose a partner to represent someone in our lives to whom we had something important to say. We had to say it as if we were on our death bed with only two minutes to live. It really helps to focus the mind on how to let go of things that don’t matter, to cut through the fluff and get straight to the point.
  3. In another we gave ancestral healing to two people in the group.

This is the most profound form of revealing and healing family dysfunction that I’ve ever encountered. I’m putting together my other experiences into a booklet. The contents are much more intense and involved more people, and would be too long as blog entries.

If you’re interested I’d recommend Trauma, Bonding and Family Constellation by Franz Rupert and Bert Hellinger’s website.


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Family Constellation

Hereford Constellation  Part One 30th June 2013

Place – a village hall just outside Hereford

Weather – bright and sunny – and warm

Participants- 5 women 3 men

Facilitator – Shakti

 

English garden in the summer

English garden in the summer

Shakti welcomed us and gave a brief introduction to the process of constellation for the first timer. She explained that it was an honour to be chosen to take part in someone else’s constellation, that it wasn’t essential to particpate but it was advisable because there is much to be gained from simply being involved. The first timer was about to find out how true that is.

She began with a meditation where we had to see our parents in front of us and honour them by bowing to them. We then had to imagine our grandparents and all our ancestors behind us and lean back into them for support.

By way of introduction each participant had to say their name, where they were from, and how easy or otherwise it was to bow and lean. Most of us found it relatively easy to lean back into our ancestors, but some, about half the group, experienced some difficulty bowing to their parents.

We also had to give a brief account of what issue brought us to the constellation, and what we hoped to gain from participating. There’s a weird thing that happens at these moments for me. Apart from the very first constellation where I was very clear about the issue, (because it had been with me for 23 years) when I get to this stage I find myself describing something other than the issue I thought I was bringing.

Initially I thought I wanted to do some work around relationships, but I found myself talking about not feeling connected to any one place, that I had a kind of ‘wherever-I-lay-my-hat-that’s-my-home’ syndrome, and that I’d planned to go to Cameroon to see if I would feel at home there.

When all the introductions were done, all the issues raised, Shakti asked for a volunteer to take the seat beside her and begin the first constellation. It was one of those occasions where everyone looked down as her eyes scanned the room. I wasn’t quick enough and they rested on me.

‘Looks like it’s you,’ she said patting the chair beside her.

I walked to that now familiar place beside the facilitator. (This is my 6th Constellation). Shakti said that my introduction was very clear and we went straight into the constellation without further ado.

‘Chose someone to represent Africa,’ she instructed.

I chose the first-timer who was to the right of me, and he stood up looking a little bewildered.

English summer fruits

English summer fruits

‘Choose someone to represent England,’ Shakti said.

I choose a tall gentleman that I met at the last constellation who stood up on the opposite side of the room to Africa.

‘Now choose someone to represent Jamaica,’ she said.

My eyes were immediately drawn to a woman sitting opposite me. She had slightly greying hair and a warm smile.

She stood up and immediately began dancing slowly around in a kind of circle. I had inadvertently formed a triangle with them, and one of the points was dancing.

Shakti placed me opposite Africa who immediately opened his arms. I looked but didn’t move. He smiled and I felt anger rising. What the hell does he have to smile at, I thought. In the lengthening standoff I became aware of England behind me, close and intimidating.

I was very uncomfortable with England’s presence and began moving away. He followed. I kept moving until I was close to Jamaica. England moved back to his original position.

Noticing that I was between Africa and Jamaica I wanted to hold both their outstretched hands, but they were too far apart. I took hold of one of Jamaica’s hands and tried to pull her towards Africa. She didn’t budge.

‘You can’t move a country,’ Shakti said.

I dropped Jamaica’s hand and looked back and forth at her and Africa until Shakti moved me and placed me in front of Jamaica. I ignored Jamaica’s open arms. After a while Shakti said,

‘Say to Jamaica “You are my mother country.’

I couldn’t. It took four goes before I could finally force the words out.

Shakti made me say it three times until I could say it without hesitation and with a modicum of conviction.

I took the outstretched hands stiffly.

‘Kneel down in front of Jamaica,’ Shakti instructed, ‘and say “I honour you. You are my mother country, you gave me life, and you are where I was born.

Jamaica kept hold of both my hands and smiled, as if my words were music to her ears.

When I finally stood up Shakti told me, ‘say again, “I honour you my mother country.”’

I was tense and the words were still sticking.

‘Do you have back problems?’ Shakti asked.

The question caught me off guard. What did back problems have to do with this situation?

‘No.’ I answered defiantly and immediately felt a strong thump in the centre of my back. I felt a jolt, and the words began to flow more freely.

Caribbean beach

Caribbean beach

As I stepped into Jamaica’s open arms I felt the tears spring into my eyes and gently roll down my face. Jamaica hugged me. A long, firm hug. After a while I felt able to hug her back.

Shakti then placed me in front of England and made me repeat after her,

‘You are England. You’ve provided me with a home. I’ve lived here but Jamaica is my mother land. I was born there, I wasn’t born here. You’ve given me a lot. Education, work, and a place to live for which I am grateful.’

With the imprint of Jamaica’s hug still lingering on my body the words flowed easily from my lips to England’s waiting ears. He smiled and nodded his acceptance of my gratitude.

Shakti placed me in front of Africa. The words I had to say to him were,

‘You are Africa. You are where my ancestors were born. Jamaica is my mother land. You are the mother land of my ancestors, but you are not my mother land. I love you as the birth place of my ancestors.’

Africa opened his arms again, and this time I was able to step into them and readily return his tight hug.

‘OK, we can break here,’ Shakti said.

During the feedback part of the constellation Shakti explained that although I had such difficulty acknowledging my mother land, that Jamaica was the only one I’d chosen a woman to represent. This was a sure sign that my soul, my higher self, knew the significance of mother land.

The reason I have not been able to call anywhere ‘home’ is because I’d never properly acknowledged and honoured Jamaica as my mother land. Now that I’ve done that I will be able to feel at home anywhere I choose.

‘It doesn’t mean you have to live in Jamaica, but she now has her rightful place in your heart.’

When I explained that I was trying to pull Jamaica to Africa so I could connect with both, Shakti suggested that I could bring a small, symbolic piece of earth back from Cameroon and from Jamaica so I can be connected with both places.

Back in my seat I sat and reflected on the experience I shared with my ancestors. That  of leaving the land that I knew and loved, and being taken to a strange place with different climate, people and customs.

It hadn’t answered the question of why I chosen to be born in Jamaica, but I felt I was one step closer to finding that piece of the jig saw.