Writing Creatively With Spirit

A journey of psychic discovery


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Session 30 – Very touchy feely

May 16th 2013 (Thursday)2002-01-01 00.00.00-1442

We were nine tonight, two men and seven women. I was on a high from the day from a lot of clearing. I threw out five bags of cassette tapes – yes and many of those were recorded psychic readings. Oh how things have changed, now I do the psychic readings. And I was really looking forward to practicing some more tonight.

However, as I walked into the log cabin the chill made me reach for my jacket, one of those situations where it was warmer outside.

As we waited for everyone to arrive I could feel the energy draining out of me. By the time we got to the first meditation I was asleep through most of it. It was a colour one where we had to visualise the colours of the rainbow and then see them swirling around us. Mine became a vortex which pulled me in and sent me to sleep.

I could barely keep my eyes open during the feedback, which didn’t go unnoticed. Someone requested that we do the meditation to meet our guides. As Greg began, I realised that its one we’ve done before, only in that one I was much more awake, so much so I was flying around the room.

Anyway, we went to a cottage and sat in a chair and waited for our guide to reveal him/her/it self to us from the feet upwards. I saw nothing. I kept hoping that maybe by the time we got to the head that I’d see something. But no, zilch, nada, nothing.

The only things I experienced were the tingling around my third eye, which is the sign my grandmother uses to let me know her energy is around me, and someone stroking my cheeks. This was so soothing that I fell asleep again.

After the feedback we were a little stuck for something to do, so Greg suggested we had a go at psychometry. He handed over a set of keys to one of group and asked for a message. It took a while coming as the person had been put on the spot, but Greg said it made sense to him.

He, the reader, had to give something to someone else. She gave him a message and passed something to another person. By this time I felt almost comatose. I was struggling to keep my eyes open. The level of energy in the room felt low, several people had said they felt unpleasant physical symptoms during the second meditation, and I really couldn’t concentrate.

I apologised to Greg, said I wasn’t feeling well and needed to leave. Said goodbye to everyone and headed home.

As I drove home my spirits gradually lifted. Could this heavy energy have anything to do with the fact that I’ve been doing a lot of clearing out, spring cleaning and throwing out lots of things that I once held dear? Or could it be something else. And why did it descend when I was in the room, and lift when I left?

 


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Graveyards and pigeons

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1386Still on a high from the conference I went to sleep, only to be woken with the words ‘West Brompton.’ I heard it twice before getting up and writing it down. I’ve learned that once the voice speaks it carries on till I act. Some of my best poems were dictated this way, one verse at a time. Only when it was all written could I sleep.

During the dream Gary Ranard (author of The Disappearance of the Universe) came into my room and told me that I needed to do more exercises and meditation to keep my heart open. He didn’t say what, so if you know of any good exercises of meditation I’d love to hear from you.

As I did my morning meditation it was as though the pigeons from outside were trying to get into my window, they made such a racket – I’ve never known them like it.

Anyway, I checked out West Bromption. The only thing of note there is the famous Bromton Cemetery where a number of very well known people are buried, including two Native Americans from the Oglala Sioux group. Names – ‘Surrounded by the Enemy’ and ‘Red Penny.’

It’s also rumoured that the children’s author Beatrix Potter got a lot of the names of her animal characters from the gravestones in the cemetery.

I’m trying to makes some links here. Is this about shamanism? Am I to trawl the gravestones for names for my characters? Or is this about ancestry work? I wish they’d be a bit more explicit with the messages.

Apparently pigeons are to do with getting news in an unusual way. Unless of course you know different. Any thoughts on any of the above will be welcomed, (as always).


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Letting the love in

I went to the 13th annual ACIM (A Course in Miracles) conference at the weekend. Although I’ve been doing the course for a while it was my first ACIM event. The only speaker I’d heard of was Gary Ranard, the author of The Disappearance of The Universe.

Earl Purdy and me - awesome man

Earl Purdy and me – awesome man

It’s not my intention to review the conference here, but generally it was very varied and Earl Purdy stole the show, but the person who touched my heart was Annie Blampeid. As part of her presentation she got us (all 160 of us) to do an exercise where we had to send love to someone we really needed to show love to. I thought for a moment before I focused on someone I’d been having some difficulty with, and who had been droftomg in and out of my head throughout the conference. In fact, occupying more head space than I would have liked since Thursday. The same person who generated the anger that lead to the nosebleed.

When we’d finished that she asked us to stand up and say ‘I love you’ to 3 people we didn’t know. No qualification (such as I love you because…) and the only response was to repeat ‘I love you’ back. Got the idea? The only words being spoken was ‘I love you.’ People were enjoying it so much she allowed us to continue beyond three people.

Something happened to me during that exercise! It was as if a massive boulder that had been firmly wedged across the door of my heart got rolled away and I could really feel the love of the person in front of me. I could also feel the love of every person in the room. It was so overwhelming I began to cry – and couldn’t stop. I carried on crying well beyond the end of the exercise, to the alarm and concern of the people sitting on either side of me who tried to console me.

ACIM conference speakers

ACIM conference speakers

One of the people I’d said ‘I love you’ to came over to me, put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘that touched a nerve, didn’t it?’ I nodded mutely as the tear tap opened up a bit more.

As they were introducing the next speaker and the tears showed no sign of abating I decided to leave the room. I mean, I couldn’t sit there blubbing could I? Disturbing everyone.  I found a quiet spot in the hotel and a drink, let the tears flow into it. Eventually I said to my guide ‘you need to show me what this is about’, then remembered my manners and asked ‘can you please show me what this is about?’

The answer was almost instant, ‘you accepted the love, you let love in.’

‘What?’ I asked out loud, and looked around quickly in case anyone had heard me.

‘You let love in. Think about it.’

And I obeyed the instructions and thought about the work that I’ve been doing on self-love. The ‘I love you meditations,’ and the mirror work – and it made sense. I think that work had helped to loosen the boulder. I sat there and reviewed the way I’d attached conditions to love. Someone had to love me for a reason, my smile, my intellect, my body, my laughter anything other than just because I’m me. I understood then why we could not give reason during the exercise.

It really sunk in that I’d never considered myself worthy of unconditional love – and for a brief moment I’d accepted it – and was blown away.

I eventually rejoined the conference halfway through the speaker’s presentation, but found it hard to concentrate.

At the break the guy who’d put his hand on my shoulder found me and said. ‘I looked into your eyes and saw the allowing in your eyes. Do you know what I mean?’

‘I think so,’ I replied, welling up again.

‘Maybe you could do some more work around allowing,’ and he recommended the work of Orin Derby. I thanked him, hugged him and marvelled at the instant confirmation of spirit’s guidance.

Truth be told I floated around on a little cloud and took in very little of the conference after this.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? Or anyone you know? I’d really like to be able to share this experience.

Do you know the work of Orin Derby? I could find anything on her. Did it work for you?


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Session 24 – Rush hour in spirit world

4th April 2013 (Thursday)

Nine women, two men, and one of those was Greg the facilitator. There were two new women.

PICT2040Someone mentioned dreams before the session started. I suddenly remembered and shared with the group that last night I dreamed that I was marrying God.

‘You’re not thinking of becoming a nun are you?’ Greg asked.

‘It’s too late for that,’ I muttered quietly, but obviously not quietly enough as half the room tittered.

I also announced that I was back on form, completely rested, while I tucked into the cup cake one of the members had brought for the group. So delicious.

The first exercise was to try and get some advice for one of the new women for an issue she had already discussed with Greg but that we were unaware of. Greg welcomed our spirit guides and asked for their help, guidance and protection.

We all got something for her. I saw a newspaper and a razor. The message was ‘words can be cutting.’ One lady saw a basket of eggs which had been on a card from a mini reading the new lady had earlier. One person saw her grandmother who had some advice for her. All but one input made sense to her. Greg suggested that the thing she didn’t recognise now was possibly a future event.

Our second meditation was a deep one. I dropped into that state of nothingness very quickly. The only thing I remember from that first exercise was seeing four flames in a circle. I didn’t hear most of the meditation but toward the end I felt someone jolt my body upright and said ‘it time to listen now.’ That’s when Greg said ‘come back into the room when you’re ready.’

As others began to give feedback on their experience I realised that we’d been taken down in a lift, each floor taking us deeper into meditation. Some people had trance-like experiences while others found it difficult to go down. There were long elaborate journeys and short succinct ones like mine. During my feedback there was a rush of energy into the room felt by most of the room. It stopped Greg in mid sentence. Whatever comment he was about to make about my experience was lost in the drama of the arriving spirits. I have to confess that I didn’t sense it or feel the accompanying cold. I was cold all the time, even though I was sitting next to the radiator which was turned up fully. Greg said he’d never known spirit enter with such speed.

We paused in the round of feedback while Greg identified who they were. They (the three of them) were all connected with one person. There were two women and a man. Some of Greg’s descriptions made sense to the person to whom they were connected, and it seemed to be coldest in her part of the room. They must have stayed around for the rest of the night because it didn’t get any warmer.

Our third meditation took us from the beach, up a steep cliff, down a grassy verge to a lagoon with a waterfall where we bathed, swam, then dived down to find a gem.

My ascent of the cliff was not straight forward as I had to zigzag my way in places, but I opted for the most direct route. I knew I’d have the stamina to make it as I’ve done a lot of hill walking. The other side of the cliff was covered in yellow, purple and blue flowers, with lots of bluebells around the edge of the lagoon.

As I got into the lagoon sparks flew off the waterfall, like a giant sparkler. I lay on my back and floated (which is unusual for me as I’m not very confident in water).

I dived down to pick up a big piece of citrine, but when I came up and looked in my hand I was holding a very large ruby. Incidentally three of us picked up ruby, the most popular of the night.

I was going for abundance with citrine, but with ruby it would appear that what I need is passion and vitality.

I feel like the steep curve of learning is levelling off a bit, or maybe its to do with the fact that I’m meditating daily and getting messages almost every day.

If you’ve ever sat in circle, or still do, is this how it felt for you?

 


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What does poo in dreams mean?

Friday 29th March 2013

Daffodils huddled together for warmth in this frozen month of March

Daffodils huddled together for warmth in this frozen month of March

I found out my grandmother’s name. It’s Christianna Benjamin nee Morgan. During my meditation I set the intention to connect with her and to be given a sign that I was connected. I had a tickling around my third eye and on the left side of my neck.

I saw a thimble, and later thread and a needle. Was she a good seamstress? Did I hear that somewhere? Then I had the thought of stitching together a patchwork quilt.

I dropped in and out of nothingness, but in between I thought about my dream from the night before in which I was trying to hide from a previous boss. I’d been trying to dodge him for ages hiding in all kinds of places before suddenly deciding that I’d done nothing wrong and, despite all the people who’d been trying to hide and protect me, I came out openly and challenged him. He didn’t pursue the issues and I realised that I needn’t have hidden for so long.

In the same dream I needed the toilet and had to go a long way to find it, (even though I was convinced that there was one closer). A woman snuck in before me, but fortunately there was more than one cubicle. The wall was flat, and the toilet bowl emerged from it and looked a little flimsy as it had no solid base attaching it to the floor. It had un-flushed poo in. I needed to do a poo but was conscious of people in the next cubicle so held on to it, just did a wee while pondering the oddness of the toilet.

Somebody once told me that poo in dreams is related to money. Does this dream mean that I found some (in the bowl) but was too embarrassed to add mine to it? Do you know anything about poo in dreams?

And what about the thimble and the patchwork quilt? I was wondering if it could mean that I’m to pull together all the different things that I’m learning into one. Maybe create something new and different from all the bits. Any thoughts?

And finally, I got the thought that it would be a good idea to write about my Family Constellation experiences.

When I was researching Shamanism I found people’s personal experiences really helpful. Constellations are about soul integration, about making whole the fragmented soul that has suffered trauma. This is also the aim of Shamanism.

It may require a bit of delving into journals but each experience was so profound that they are clearly documented.

 


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Modern Shamanism

Masquerade dancer

Masquerade dancer

When I received the information to look more deeply into Shamanism I was more than a little reluctant to be associated with this form of practice. I threw some questions out about where to look and got what I can only describe as divine guidance from ‘R’ who responded with a comment on the blog.

If you read A hero with a thousand faces or The Writers Journey they suggest writers are modern day shamans. Maggie Whitehouse has some interesting things to say on shamanism – also google ayuhuesca and modern shamanism. X

Thank you so much ‘R’ for this comment. There was so much contained in such a small space. I spent a big chunk of today researching all the areas you suggested. It made immediate sense to me that writers would be Shamans. Especially after watching Elizabeth Gilbert’s talk on genius, and my experiences with my second novel. As a writer Joseph Campbell’s work is part of my tool kit so it was easy to find a hook for this.

I hunted everywhere for Maggy Whitehouse’s comments but the only sites with any references to Shamanism were unavailable.

I’ve made it this far without taking any consciousness enhancing aids but found the information on Ayuhuesca fascinating.

By far the area that absorbed most of my time was the information on Modern Shamanism.

There were a few sites but the first one I went to made me understand my reluctance.

In the Western world, when we hear the word “shaman,” most of us tend to conjure up an image of a masked and costumed indigenous tribal person, dancing around a fire in the dark, involved in some sort of mysterious ritual, accompanied by singing and drum beats.

This is not an easy thing for me to visualise myself participating in. It wasn’t till I read a little further that I began to relax, and even to become slightly excited.

But inside that cultural shell of mask, costume and ritual, there is a woman or a man with a set of very real skills. The shaman is the master of the trance experience.

All true shamans are able to achieve expanded states of awareness in which they can direct the focus of their consciousness away from our everyday physical reality and into the inner worlds of the dreamtime while very much awake.

The first thing they discover is that these inner worlds are inhabited, for there they encounter spirits–the spirits of nature, the spirits of the elementals, the spirits of the ancestors, and the higher, compassionate transpersonal forces, many of whom serve humanity as spirit helpers and guardians, teachers and guides.

It is this extraordinary visionary ability that sets shamans apart from all other religious practitioners. And it is through their relationship with these archetypal beings that shamans are able to do various things, initially on behalf of themselves and then increasingly on behalf of others. What sorts of things?

At the top of the list is probably ’empowerment.’ Working with the assistance of their helping spirits, shamans are able to restore power to persons who have lost theirs or who have been diminished by their life experiences. Shamanic practitioners are able to access information from ‘the other side’ through divination; some are skilled at guiding the souls of the deceased to where they are supposed to go in the afterlife, an ability known as psychopomp work; and many shamans are master healers at the physical, mental-emotional, and spiritual levels of our being.

www.sharedwisdom.com/article/modern-shamen

I’ve resisted this spiritual journey every step of the way, because of the negative connotations attached to most spiritual practices that fall outside of the main stream religions. I’m a scientist and psychologist. At each step I’ve questioned my sanity, wondered whether I would be ridiculed, loose friends, gain enemies, loose livelihood.

Yet each step has brought me better health, more harmonious relationships and greater peace and sense of purpose. So why would this be any different?

I’m not saying that I’m rushing to become a fully paid up student of Shamanism, but I’m certainly considering the possibility. What is very clear from the research is the central role trance plays in this practice. Another reminder of how important meditation is.

Shamanism is about service to individuals and to the community, about helping to repair damaged bodies, emotional turmoil and to heal fragmented souls. The language of Shamanism is the same language of Constellation work. It has been suggested that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the result of a fragmented soul.

I see the use of parts integration techniques in my Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) training as related to making fragmented souls whole. Healing the whole person is the principle of all spiritual healing such as my Reiki, and sitting in a spiritual development circle is all about connecting with the spirit realm who instruct and guide us.

Maybe it’s not too big a step… like I said, at least worth considering. Thanks again R for your very helpful suggestions.

Has anyone attended any workshops in the Midlands of England? I note there are some in London but I was wandering if you know of any closer to the centre.

http://www.sharedwisdom.com/article/modern-shaman

http://www.huna.org/html/modshmn.html

http://www.modernshamanism.org/


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Session 22 – Spiralling to angels and a wishing well

21st March 2013 (Thursday)

We were a big group tonight, twelve including Greg, but with only two men. No new people tonight so everyone had a place and we began with a meditation taking us up a spiral staircase. I was a little confused when Greg said ‘You’re at the bottom of a spiral staircase.’

At first I saw the staircase from a few weeks ago, the one in the old building I was being pulled up. Then it changed into a metal one outside with no building around it. I hovered between the two before deciding on the inside one. At least I’d been there before, it felt familiar.

‘Put your foot on the first step and feel the red under your feet. Feel it coming up through your body bringing warmth and healing to anywhere that needs it,’ Greg instructed us.

I felt the heat rising up through my feet, my legs, my thighs, torso and running down into my arms, and my wrists. Yes the wrist is still slightly swollen, though it does appear to be going down a little.

The Secret Language of your body

The Secret Language of your body

(Did I mention what Inna Segal says about the causes of wrist problems? No? These are the possible contributing factors. Feeling chained, stuck, overworked. Difficulty changing your mind; seeing other points of view; and letting go of the pain, stress and fear that binds you. Needing to be right and in control.) Some of these I can take.

Anyway, back to the meditation. Greg took us up the steps through the chakra colours, each time pausing to allow the healing of the colour to work through us, and I was fine till we got to the crown chakra, when I must have dosed off. I woke up again when we were looking into a well. I didn’t know how we’d got there but Greg said, ‘Look into the well, see your reflection.’

As I watched my reflection I gradually got younger, back to about teenage years before getting older again – back to how I look now (about 25 Haha!).

‘Make a wish.’ Greg said, and I wished for peace. There are so many other things I could have wished for, but I know from experience that when I’m peaceful on the inside everything on the outside works, or if they don’t I don’t get irritated by them.

During the feedback I realised that the bit I missed when I dosed was meeting our angels at the top of the stairs, and stepping into the clouds with their support to the well. They must have done it anyway because I made it there.

No one had a take on me getting younger, but later in discussion with a friend I worked out it may be related to working with teenagers again. I used to do this many moons ago (and me being only 25 you gasp), and said I wouldn’t do it again. But today I accepted an invitation to work with a group of 18-25 year olds on an ‘into business’ course.

Power Animal Oracle Cards

Power Animal Oracle Cards

There was an eager buzz as we all rummaged through Greg’s suitcase of cards, as that was our main activity for the night. I chose the animal pack that I’ve been working with at home because I have a notion of using them with children and young people who may otherwise be wary of other kinds of cards. My partner chose a pack of angel cards.

She chose the HORSE and the RAVEN which I read without the accompanying book (Greg said I was the only one allowed to use the book because the animal pack was so different to the others). Her third card, the MOOSE, I read from the book. It basically reinforced everything I’d said in the previous two cards. It gave me a modicum confidence to trust my intuition.

I did a past, present, future reading with her angel cards. The past card was INNOCENCE, about letting go of guilt and shame. The second card was CHILD about connecting well with and working with children; also about nurturing my inner child. I can’t remember the title of the third card but it was about focusing only on my desires because I’m manifesting quickly.

I had a chance to work with and have a long chat to the other black lady who has the same name as my sister. It was very refreshing to hear the story of her journey to circle. She reiterated the power of meditation.

One of the members did a demonstration reading for Greg and I learned a bit more about ignoring the writing on the card if they don’t make sense to you and focusing instead on the pictures and your own intuition.

There was a really beautiful energy in the room as Greg lead the closing prayer.

Couple of questions. Do you have another view on why I went for the old stairs? Or on why I got younger when I looked into the well? Please feel free to comment on anything else. Always appreciated.