Writing Creatively With Spirit

A journey of psychic discovery

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Family Constellation Part 2

Hereford Constellation Part Two 30th June 2013

As well as bringing your own issues to Family Constellation there is great learning to be had from participating in other people’s issues. A group will uncannily reflect each other in what they bring, and so what isn’t addressed directly in your own constellation can be addressed in someone else’s.

The following are offered as examples of my own learning and does not reflect the full constellation for the persons involved. They will also offer an insight into the interrelatedness of issues in the group. For that I would need their permission and I haven’t sought that. All the names have been changed.

In Phillip’s constellation I represented South Africa (he was Africa in mine). It transpired that some of his issues resulted in the black side of the family being rejected.

In Kelly’s I represented her. There were issues around unborn children, the same number as me. In fact three of us in the group had lost children prior to birth, and needed to do an exercise around placing our existing children in their rightful order. (I cover this in greater detail in Constellation One).

In an addendum to the constellation Kelly’s issues with her own mother were being addressed.

Shakti asked her to say, ‘You are the right mother for me. I am the right daughter for you. You were exactly the mother I needed to learn the lessons I needed to learn.’

I realised as she spoke that these were words I could easily have said to Jamaica. ‘You are the right mother land for me.’

During the ensuing discussion along the lines of ‘the more difficult the relationship the bigger the lessons and the stronger it makes you when you’ve learned them’ I realised that I learned a lot from being Jamaican, and that I will learn a lot more as a result of Jamaica’s difficulties. If I’d wanted easy lesson I’d have chosen to be born somewhere more quiet and sedate.

But no – I chose Jamaica for the lessons it could teach me, just like I choose my biological parents for the lessons they could teach me.

I need to examine Jamaica more closely to understand how she runs through my veins, and claim this tiny island that has such influence on the world stage.

In addition to the constellations Shakti did a couple of exercises with the whole group.

  1. In one we had to work in pairs. The first person had to open his arms and allow me to walk into them. Then we swopped over. This was to teach us how to allow people and thing to come to us, rather than chasing after them.
  2. In the second exercise we had to choose a partner to represent someone in our lives to whom we had something important to say. We had to say it as if we were on our death bed with only two minutes to live. It really helps to focus the mind on how to let go of things that don’t matter, to cut through the fluff and get straight to the point.
  3. In another we gave ancestral healing to two people in the group.

This is the most profound form of revealing and healing family dysfunction that I’ve ever encountered. I’m putting together my other experiences into a booklet. The contents are much more intense and involved more people, and would be too long as blog entries.

If you’re interested I’d recommend Trauma, Bonding and Family Constellation by Franz Rupert and Bert Hellinger’s website.


Family Constellation

Hereford Constellation  Part One 30th June 2013

Place – a village hall just outside Hereford

Weather – bright and sunny – and warm

Participants- 5 women 3 men

Facilitator – Shakti


English garden in the summer

English garden in the summer

Shakti welcomed us and gave a brief introduction to the process of constellation for the first timer. She explained that it was an honour to be chosen to take part in someone else’s constellation, that it wasn’t essential to particpate but it was advisable because there is much to be gained from simply being involved. The first timer was about to find out how true that is.

She began with a meditation where we had to see our parents in front of us and honour them by bowing to them. We then had to imagine our grandparents and all our ancestors behind us and lean back into them for support.

By way of introduction each participant had to say their name, where they were from, and how easy or otherwise it was to bow and lean. Most of us found it relatively easy to lean back into our ancestors, but some, about half the group, experienced some difficulty bowing to their parents.

We also had to give a brief account of what issue brought us to the constellation, and what we hoped to gain from participating. There’s a weird thing that happens at these moments for me. Apart from the very first constellation where I was very clear about the issue, (because it had been with me for 23 years) when I get to this stage I find myself describing something other than the issue I thought I was bringing.

Initially I thought I wanted to do some work around relationships, but I found myself talking about not feeling connected to any one place, that I had a kind of ‘wherever-I-lay-my-hat-that’s-my-home’ syndrome, and that I’d planned to go to Cameroon to see if I would feel at home there.

When all the introductions were done, all the issues raised, Shakti asked for a volunteer to take the seat beside her and begin the first constellation. It was one of those occasions where everyone looked down as her eyes scanned the room. I wasn’t quick enough and they rested on me.

‘Looks like it’s you,’ she said patting the chair beside her.

I walked to that now familiar place beside the facilitator. (This is my 6th Constellation). Shakti said that my introduction was very clear and we went straight into the constellation without further ado.

‘Chose someone to represent Africa,’ she instructed.

I chose the first-timer who was to the right of me, and he stood up looking a little bewildered.

English summer fruits

English summer fruits

‘Choose someone to represent England,’ Shakti said.

I choose a tall gentleman that I met at the last constellation who stood up on the opposite side of the room to Africa.

‘Now choose someone to represent Jamaica,’ she said.

My eyes were immediately drawn to a woman sitting opposite me. She had slightly greying hair and a warm smile.

She stood up and immediately began dancing slowly around in a kind of circle. I had inadvertently formed a triangle with them, and one of the points was dancing.

Shakti placed me opposite Africa who immediately opened his arms. I looked but didn’t move. He smiled and I felt anger rising. What the hell does he have to smile at, I thought. In the lengthening standoff I became aware of England behind me, close and intimidating.

I was very uncomfortable with England’s presence and began moving away. He followed. I kept moving until I was close to Jamaica. England moved back to his original position.

Noticing that I was between Africa and Jamaica I wanted to hold both their outstretched hands, but they were too far apart. I took hold of one of Jamaica’s hands and tried to pull her towards Africa. She didn’t budge.

‘You can’t move a country,’ Shakti said.

I dropped Jamaica’s hand and looked back and forth at her and Africa until Shakti moved me and placed me in front of Jamaica. I ignored Jamaica’s open arms. After a while Shakti said,

‘Say to Jamaica “You are my mother country.’

I couldn’t. It took four goes before I could finally force the words out.

Shakti made me say it three times until I could say it without hesitation and with a modicum of conviction.

I took the outstretched hands stiffly.

‘Kneel down in front of Jamaica,’ Shakti instructed, ‘and say “I honour you. You are my mother country, you gave me life, and you are where I was born.

Jamaica kept hold of both my hands and smiled, as if my words were music to her ears.

When I finally stood up Shakti told me, ‘say again, “I honour you my mother country.”’

I was tense and the words were still sticking.

‘Do you have back problems?’ Shakti asked.

The question caught me off guard. What did back problems have to do with this situation?

‘No.’ I answered defiantly and immediately felt a strong thump in the centre of my back. I felt a jolt, and the words began to flow more freely.

Caribbean beach

Caribbean beach

As I stepped into Jamaica’s open arms I felt the tears spring into my eyes and gently roll down my face. Jamaica hugged me. A long, firm hug. After a while I felt able to hug her back.

Shakti then placed me in front of England and made me repeat after her,

‘You are England. You’ve provided me with a home. I’ve lived here but Jamaica is my mother land. I was born there, I wasn’t born here. You’ve given me a lot. Education, work, and a place to live for which I am grateful.’

With the imprint of Jamaica’s hug still lingering on my body the words flowed easily from my lips to England’s waiting ears. He smiled and nodded his acceptance of my gratitude.

Shakti placed me in front of Africa. The words I had to say to him were,

‘You are Africa. You are where my ancestors were born. Jamaica is my mother land. You are the mother land of my ancestors, but you are not my mother land. I love you as the birth place of my ancestors.’

Africa opened his arms again, and this time I was able to step into them and readily return his tight hug.

‘OK, we can break here,’ Shakti said.

During the feedback part of the constellation Shakti explained that although I had such difficulty acknowledging my mother land, that Jamaica was the only one I’d chosen a woman to represent. This was a sure sign that my soul, my higher self, knew the significance of mother land.

The reason I have not been able to call anywhere ‘home’ is because I’d never properly acknowledged and honoured Jamaica as my mother land. Now that I’ve done that I will be able to feel at home anywhere I choose.

‘It doesn’t mean you have to live in Jamaica, but she now has her rightful place in your heart.’

When I explained that I was trying to pull Jamaica to Africa so I could connect with both, Shakti suggested that I could bring a small, symbolic piece of earth back from Cameroon and from Jamaica so I can be connected with both places.

Back in my seat I sat and reflected on the experience I shared with my ancestors. That  of leaving the land that I knew and loved, and being taken to a strange place with different climate, people and customs.

It hadn’t answered the question of why I chosen to be born in Jamaica, but I felt I was one step closer to finding that piece of the jig saw.

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Spirituality and Wellness in the New Millennium

June 11th 2013

I went to a lecture by Dr Ra Un Nefer Amen 1(the first) on Saturday entitled ‘Spirituality and Wellness in the New Millennium.’ He’s the founder of the Ausar Auset Society International and the lecture was part of the 40th Anniversary celebrations tour.

Ausar Auset 40th Anniversary Lecture

Ausar Auset 40th Anniversary Lecture

His main points were that the body is but a tool for the mind and it is by connecting with our spirit and living spiritually that we achieve true health.

He talked about there being no stressful events, that death, divorce, redundancy and any of those things we’ve come to attach the label ‘stressful’ to are not stressful in and of themselves.

There are, however, stressful responses, and increasingly the media are encouraging us to believe that these stressful responses are ‘natural’. Terms such as ‘naturally I was devastated, naturally I was angry, naturally I was traumatised,’ are heard in many broadcasts.

These responses are not natural; they are the responses of an unprepared mind, an untrusting spirit. It is stress that causes diseases, and that connecting with our spirit increases trust and trust reduces or diminishes stress. He also said that when we’re stressed our IQ reduces significantly (I can’t remember the exact percentage) which is why we don’t make good decision when we’re stressed.

He said something else that really made me think. That worry is trying to control the future and grieving is trying to control the past. I know the one about worry, and have accepted it into my way of thinking and being, but it was the first time I’d heard the one about grieving. But the more I thought about it the more sense it made. Grieving is about wishing something was different. We often feel helpless and angry that we couldn’t control the situation to stop the death or the loss from happening.

He surprised us with a healing meditation, pointing out that the body can heal itself using positive thinking, sound and colour. In the limited time he had he couldn’t go into the theory of all of them but wanted us to experience healing with sound and positive visualisation.

The meditation began with a chant he said he’d channelled through his guide. It was a beautiful sound which we sang for a while before he asked us to stop singing and follow the recording in our heads as he guided us through the rest of the meditation.

We used visualised light and sound to move through the body healing all parts that need it.

It was very powerful! I think the intense energy of the group (about 150 people) added to the intensity of the experience.

I dropped into the bliss state very quickly, lost all sense of time and space and body, and drifted in and out of it during the meditation.

At the end some people spoke of their experiences of healing; headaches gone, lower back pain that had been there for weeks vanished. Some people saw blue light, others silver. He explained that these are the colours of his guide.

For those who saw other colours he said they were the colours their bodies needed at that time.

Quite a number of people shared my experience.

I reflected how weird this would have seemed ten years ago and thought about how far I’ve come on this spiritual path. The thing is, I know there is still so much I don’t know and have yet to experience.

Dr Ra Un Nefer Amen 1 is obviously a deeply spiritual person and a very well know international figure (I looked him up later on the web) but his concern during the two hours he was with us was clearly for our well being, to leave us in better health than when we arrived.

I’ve found that there’s something about people who are very secure in their spirituality – they are very humble. I obviously have a way to go yet!

I’m going to check out the Birmingham branch of the Ausar Auset Society International and learn more about what they do. Please let me know if you’ve had any experience of this group in the UK or elsewhere.


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Letting the love in

I went to the 13th annual ACIM (A Course in Miracles) conference at the weekend. Although I’ve been doing the course for a while it was my first ACIM event. The only speaker I’d heard of was Gary Ranard, the author of The Disappearance of The Universe.

Earl Purdy and me - awesome man

Earl Purdy and me – awesome man

It’s not my intention to review the conference here, but generally it was very varied and Earl Purdy stole the show, but the person who touched my heart was Annie Blampeid. As part of her presentation she got us (all 160 of us) to do an exercise where we had to send love to someone we really needed to show love to. I thought for a moment before I focused on someone I’d been having some difficulty with, and who had been droftomg in and out of my head throughout the conference. In fact, occupying more head space than I would have liked since Thursday. The same person who generated the anger that lead to the nosebleed.

When we’d finished that she asked us to stand up and say ‘I love you’ to 3 people we didn’t know. No qualification (such as I love you because…) and the only response was to repeat ‘I love you’ back. Got the idea? The only words being spoken was ‘I love you.’ People were enjoying it so much she allowed us to continue beyond three people.

Something happened to me during that exercise! It was as if a massive boulder that had been firmly wedged across the door of my heart got rolled away and I could really feel the love of the person in front of me. I could also feel the love of every person in the room. It was so overwhelming I began to cry – and couldn’t stop. I carried on crying well beyond the end of the exercise, to the alarm and concern of the people sitting on either side of me who tried to console me.

ACIM conference speakers

ACIM conference speakers

One of the people I’d said ‘I love you’ to came over to me, put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘that touched a nerve, didn’t it?’ I nodded mutely as the tear tap opened up a bit more.

As they were introducing the next speaker and the tears showed no sign of abating I decided to leave the room. I mean, I couldn’t sit there blubbing could I? Disturbing everyone.  I found a quiet spot in the hotel and a drink, let the tears flow into it. Eventually I said to my guide ‘you need to show me what this is about’, then remembered my manners and asked ‘can you please show me what this is about?’

The answer was almost instant, ‘you accepted the love, you let love in.’

‘What?’ I asked out loud, and looked around quickly in case anyone had heard me.

‘You let love in. Think about it.’

And I obeyed the instructions and thought about the work that I’ve been doing on self-love. The ‘I love you meditations,’ and the mirror work – and it made sense. I think that work had helped to loosen the boulder. I sat there and reviewed the way I’d attached conditions to love. Someone had to love me for a reason, my smile, my intellect, my body, my laughter anything other than just because I’m me. I understood then why we could not give reason during the exercise.

It really sunk in that I’d never considered myself worthy of unconditional love – and for a brief moment I’d accepted it – and was blown away.

I eventually rejoined the conference halfway through the speaker’s presentation, but found it hard to concentrate.

At the break the guy who’d put his hand on my shoulder found me and said. ‘I looked into your eyes and saw the allowing in your eyes. Do you know what I mean?’

‘I think so,’ I replied, welling up again.

‘Maybe you could do some more work around allowing,’ and he recommended the work of Orin Derby. I thanked him, hugged him and marvelled at the instant confirmation of spirit’s guidance.

Truth be told I floated around on a little cloud and took in very little of the conference after this.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? Or anyone you know? I’d really like to be able to share this experience.

Do you know the work of Orin Derby? I could find anything on her. Did it work for you?

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Living with intention

January 11th 2013

When I saw that Lynne McTaggert was going to be speaking at the Fab Friday Tree of Life lecture last Friday I not only booked a  ticket but a front seat because I didn’t want to miss a single word, didn’t want my vision impeded by any large heads or woolly hats. Lynne is the author of The Field, the basis for the movie What the Bleep Do We Know, one of the most influential movies I’ve watched, and which I loan out to others to help them understand how important our thoughts are in shaping our lives.

I also read her second book The Intention Experiment which shows how we can physically change things when we meditate with intention. Experiments shows that when groups meditated with intention in certain parts of America crime rates dropped, people were spontaneously healed, and peace broke out between warring factions.

I showed up early for the 6 p.m. meditation offered prior to the 7 p.m. talk and was therefore fully awakened to hear what Lynne had to say about living with intention. She was preceded by Brian Hubbard, her husband, who was promoting his book Time-Light. His take on the ‘self’ was a little too complex for me and I found myself drifting off, but after the break I was fully awake to hear Lynne.

I was prepared to be amazed by what she had to say, what she had to share about her new work that lead to the publication of her third book The Bond, but I was not prepared for the exercise in telepathy as she showed us how much like ‘leaky buckets’ we are, her term for the fact that we are sending and receiving thoughts from others all the time. We are not sealed entities with our own thoughts; we transmit and receive thoughts all the time.

She then encouraged us to test this out by taking part in our own experiment. Working with someone we didn’t know one had to be a sender and the other the receiver. With eyes closed we breathed in deeply three times together, joined hands and the sender had to focus, with all five senses on an object that means a lot to them. The receiver simply had to take note of anything that they saw, heard, felt, sensed, smelt, or tasted.

I was the receiver and straight away saw a big chocolate brown bear, which later dissolved and was replaced by Pudsey Bear from Children in Need Appeal. I kept thinking that the bear was damaged. The sender had actually been thinking of two statues, one of Saint Pio of Pietreleina in which he’s wearing a chocolate brown cloak. She showed me a picture of him with big bushy beard and eyebrows, and, as all agreed later when I gave feedback, looks like a bear of a man. The other statue was of Our Lady, had been her mother’s favourite statue, and her mother kept knocking it over and knocking its head off. They had to keep gluing it back together.

Other people got direct hits. For instance one person was thinking of holidays by the sea and the partner picked up caravans, which is where they stayed on the holidays. Still others got the object intact.

Lynne then encouraged us to form a healing circle to show that when we intend healing to happen it does. Groups of 8-12 were asked to nominate one person who needed healing to stand in the middle of the circle while the others held hands and focused on a positive healing outcome. Our person wanted to be healed from lifelong tinnitus. We focused on ‘Paul has clear hearing and is whole and well in all other ways.’

During this exercise I felt Reiki energy rushing through me. By the end, about five minutes, I was so hot I wanted to strip off (unfortunately I was only wearing one layer and exposure was not on the agenda). Paul said the tinnitus hadn’t gone, and Lynne reminded him that not all healing happens instantly. It is also possible that others in the circle experienced healing. The person to the right of me said she felt a great heat coming from me, and had noticed it also during the meditation at the beginning. I’ve been given several messages recently about re-connecting with physical healing. Maybe this is one way of getting me to do so.

Lynne’s new book The Bond looks at how we can use the knowledge of our interconnectedness to help our communities. She’s also helping groups to set up ‘healing pods’. Lynne is also editor of the new magazine What Doctors Don’t Tell You, which has been a web magazine for years and has now made it onto the shelves in the shops.

Check out her stuff at these websites




Given that I’d sat in spiritual/psychic development circles on Monday and Thursday, and worked intensively on the new book, this unexpected and additional work on Friday night left me feeling exhausted but at the same time exhilarated. It took me two hours to come down, calmed enough to sleep.