January 21^st 2013 (Monday)

Last week I ordered a book The Secret Language of Your Body and a set of cards The Secret Language of Color by Inna Segal, both recommended my Maureen, my friend and colour therapist. We met on a Louise Hay teacher training course in 2003 but only really connected in 2006 when she did a colour reading for me. I was so blown away with it that we’ve been close ever since.

Anyway, when I told her about the ankle issue in last Thursday’s meditation she gave me an alternative interpretation to Louise Hay’s inflexibility. It was from Inna Segal’s book which expanded on Louise Hay and made a lot more sense. Being a colour person she also mentioned that there was an accompanying set of cards. They weren’t so expensive so I ordered both.

Although it was really the book I was interested in the cards got delivered first; arrived this morning and I took a few minutes out of writing Love is Not a Reward to have a little play. First off, they’re a beautiful set of cards, vibrant as well as colours, engaging images and silky smooth, appealing to both sight and touch.

As I shuffled for a while a card fell out – Magenta – Connect to your deepest inner knowing. Duly noted I put it back and shuffled again, another card fell out – Magenta. This time I was very careful with my shuffling. Pulled a card – Burgundy – Awaken your passion. Pulled another card – Magenta.

Obviously I needed to hear the message of magenta. I looked it up in the guide book

‘Magenta is the color of your deepest inner know, inspiring truth, clarity, and faith. Magenta also awakens your enthusiasm for life, connecting you to the higher realm of spirituality and assisting you with your journey of self discovery. Meditate on Magenta to connect to your deeper wisdom.’

Well, I laughed out loud and took a few minutes to share it with Maureen, and as we’d worked with colour last week I decided to take the pack along to the circle to share with the others.

The snow deterred all but me and my friend Tim, who’s now said it OK to name him in the blog. Tim and I turned up at Oak House where a smiling Mary and her eager dog, Molly, greeted us.

‘Looks like you might be the only ones,’ she said. ‘I’ve had messages from three to say they’re not coming but I haven’t heard from a couple yet, so we’ll give it a few minutes and see what happens.’

‘Oh, will it be cancelled if it’s just us?’ You could hear the disappointment in Tim’s voice.

‘Not if you want to go ahead, I’ve run a session with only one person before,’ Mary said heading to the kitchen, ‘drink?’

‘I dreamed about you and Molly a couple of nights ago,’ I said stroking Molly as we waited for the drinks.

‘Really, was it something good?’ Mary chuckled (now there’s and old word) but she did, she chuckled.

‘Well, there was Molly and two other dogs, and you were with them and they came running up to me and surrounded me and was…’

‘You know we used to have two other dogs, don’t you?’

‘What colour were they?’ I was a bit taken aback, I only knew of Molly.

‘I have pictures of them’ she headed to the wall as she handed over our drinks.

‘Here’s Rory, as you can see he was a kind of beige colour.’

‘What colour was the other one?’ My chest tightened and I held my breath, waiting to see if she’d say white.

‘Well, very similar to Rory really, I’m sorry there isn’t a picture of him down here.’

‘Similar how, lighter or darker?’

‘Maybe a little lighter. Yes, lighter, and there was a little black in him’

‘Was he more black or more light?’

‘More light.’

I breathed out as Tim began talking about a dream he’d had.

‘What happened to the other dogs Mary?’ I interrupted Tim.

‘They had to be put down last year.’ The wistful look remained as she sat down to begin the session. ‘I still miss them a lot, even though Rory was a handful. I miss him.’

I told Mary and Tim about my cards and she suggested we used them as our prop for the session, but first she wanted us both to have a go at doing an opening prayer. Tim said he’d go first, jumping in feet first as is his way. Actually, I’d misunderstood, thinking my turn would come next week, but no, Mary looked expectantly at me till she had to spell out that she wanted me to do one too.

I didn’t have much time to think about the tightness in my stomach before I opened my mouth and let something come out, which was mostly thanking God for allowing us to be there and for allowing Mary to be such a caring and welcoming facilitator, and blessing whatever we would learn from each other. The opening prayer is something I’ve been dreading, and have, until that moment avoided in every group I’ve ever attended. So a big first and you know what? It wasn’t so bad, and something I might need to do more of in the new Course In Miracles group starting next week… but that’s another story… another blog.

Mary shuffled the pack (I noted no cards fell out) and suggested we all took three cards face down. We each turned over the first card, said what it meant to us, then the other two gave their interpretation of what it meant for the person whose card it was. Does that sound like gobbledegook? Hope not. Then we did the same for the second and third cards. My three cards were:

Brilliance – Discover your sparkle

Yellow – Purify your body

Ruby – Rejuvenate your body

Mary encouraged us to look beyond the words on the card, to look closely at the pictures, to allow our minds to be open to any messages given in the sensation of the card, the feel of the colour. It was different to how I’m used to using cards. Because I couldn’t turn to the book for guidance I really had to focus. I found myself asking questions of the other two, based on their cards, that I had no way of knowing about them. Even Tim whom I’ve known for some time was surprised by some of what came up. It was the same for the other two when it came to telling me what they thought of my cards.

My cards made a great deal of sense to me. Only an hour before going to the circle I’d looked in the mirror and told myself, ‘girl you need a facial’. The long dark days have taken a toll on my sparkle and I was feeling that a facial would help me put it back. I’ve also been thinking of carrying out another gall bladder flush which helps to put sparkle back in my eyes as well as my skin. There was also something about recognising my inner brilliance, and that it is multifaceted (diamond on the ruby card).

One of the great things about this circle is the fantastic sense of well being that comes from people helping you to see your hidden strengths and bring to the fore those things that we need to be addressed.

Mary then asked us to pull one more card and to see whether by looking deeply into it was could see faces or animals or trees or anything other than what was presented in the picture. I had Scarlet – Attract Success. At first I saw a rose. After a few minutes the head of a fish became very clear.

Until now I’ve been very reliant on the guide books to interpret cards, any pack, and I have several. I’ve never had the confidence to put it to one side and trust my own guide. After today it’s something I’ll be practising more.

Can you see the fish in Scarlet? Can you see anything else in the other cards, like faces or animals etc? Would you have interpreted the cards differently? What do you make of the dream about the dogs? The whole dream is included at five dogs and a wolf in this site.

January 17^th 2013 (Thursday)

Its eleven o’clock and I should be getting into bed but I need to write this down in case I forget it by tomorrow.

Funny how life works out. I took another friend along with me to the Thursday circle tonight. He’s someone who’s been puzzled by why he’s able to see things before they happen. Not way ahead of time, but instantly, just before they happen. I saw him in the afternoon and he told me about chatting to a young woman who mentioned that she had a child. As he asked, ‘Boy or girl,’ he instantly saw a little boy and the number four flashed into his head. Yet he was still amazed when she said, ‘I have a four-year-old son.’

‘You should come to circle some time,’ I said (yes, I know I used the ‘should’ word but it seemed fitting) looking over the rim of my cup.

‘When are they?’ he asked, and I could see the shutters coming down.

‘Thursday nights and Monday afternoons,’ I replied, still eyeing him over the cup’s rim.

‘That’s tonight,’ he said, and I braced myself for the excuses.

‘OK, I’ll come,’ he said, as if the shutters had been unexpectedly yanked up.

‘Great!’ I spluttered, almost choking on the mouthful I was attempting to swallow, ‘Great.’

            I was still doubtful as to whether he’d make it, but he came to pick me us and we arrived, despite the snow, at Oak House with enough time to introduce him to a few of the others before the session began.

            I noted again the difference in the two groups. It was the newer members of the group who spoke to us, while the more established members spoke amongst themselves. It almost feels like a closed group that have a few new people come along from time to time, and tonight there were two, my friend and woman. Greg, the facilitaror, welcomed them, but unlike the Monday group they didn’t have an opportunity to say more than their names.

            We went straight into the opening meditation, which was a healing one and required us to call on our guides to heal any health issues in our body. We had to visualise white healing light coming down through the tops of our heads and working it way through our bodies with extra focus on where the issue was, and ask our healing guide to touch and heal that part of us.

            As I drifted into the meditation I felt a very strong presence behind me and the name Archangel Michael popped into my head. I immediately questioned the validity of such a presence – I always think I’ve made it up based on knowledge. And yet, if I was thinking logically then it should have been Archangel Raphael – he’s the healer. Anyway, I couldn’t get Archangel Michael down to my ankle; he seemed more interested in massaging my forehead.

            When I mentioned Archangel Michael during the feedback Greg and a few of the others smiled.

            ‘Archangel Michael is a regular visitor here,’ Greg smiled benevolently, and said if my forehead was being massaged that’s where the healing was required.

            There is a code within the groups that requires us to keep other members issues within the group, except with there permission to share, so I can only report here that it turned out (as I’d suspected for some time and he had known) that my friend is highly sensitive, and that he was now in a place where it was safe for him to explore this part of him, something he’d been running away from for a long time.

            The second meditation required us to take a journey down a country lane. (I think Greg’s guides have a thing about paths.) Anyway tonight we were told what kind of path, and a split second before he said it I saw a country path with high hedges that I couldn’t see over.

We had to take a journey along the path. After a while a horse and carriage came towards us. We had to get on it and travel till we came to openings on both the left and the right of the hedge. We had to take note of what was through the openings. Someone would come to the gate of the openings and say something to us which we had to remember. The carriage then moved on to an open field at the end of the path and someone was also waiting there for us. We had to ask ‘which path shall I take from here?’ and remember the answer. There the meditation ended.

As I began walking along the path a flock of yellow butterflies flew across my face, from left to right. ‘In the distance,’ Greg had said, ‘there a horse and carriage coming toward you, as it pulls up see if there’s anyone in it? If there is, do they ask you to join them? If not you feel compelled to get in the carriage.’

I saw an ordinary horse and trap (some people saw very ornate carriages) with an elderly gentleman of about fifty, tall and straight-backed who moved over and offered me the reins. I took them reluctantly, and he sat beside me not talking or offering me any advice on what to do. He was pleasant, and it felt comfortable but there was not instruction. Instead of turning the carriage around we kept going forward, back from where I’d just come.

Through the gap on the left there was a fun-fair, a little blonde haired blue eyed boy cam to the gate and told me that the merry-go-round was going too fast.

Through the gap on the right was a house with a river running in front of it. A small farmer looking man came to the gate and told me to pull the reins in a little more. It will help the horse to go straighter.

At the end of the path at the gate that opened out onto a field was a woman of about sixty dressed like an older version of the woman in the Scottish Widow adverts, black cloak with hood. She sat on a small bench and as I sat beside her she began to get younger and younger. She told me that I didn’t need anyone to tell me which path to take, that I already knew, but that she would be with me whichever path I took.

There were a couple of lengthy interpretations, as one member had had a very strong experience and needed some reassurance and healing, and another also had an intense experience. One person said he hadn’t taken the journey as the rush of energy that came in was too intense.

By the time he got to me it was already 9.20 p.m. and we’re scheduled to finish at 9.30 p.m., and as the central heating had gone off at 9.00 p.m. and most of us knew the cold we were feeling had more to do with the lack of heating than the presence of spirit, I tried to make it as brief as possible. I ended by saying that I felt very tearful from about halfway through the meditation. He asked me if I understood the message of the journey. I said yes, but not the tearfulness. He said ‘good’ and moved on to the next person.

I had hoped he would give me his interpretation of the journey and the messages I’d received from the people I met, just to see if they matched with my own. My interpretation was that this meditation linked to a reading I had in 2006 when I was told that I would have to go back into the past to bring something into the present. That was the significance of the carriage going back and the woman getting younger. The messages from the gaps related more to my current issues of needing to slow down, get off the merry go round, pull the reins in a bit.

I don’t think I’m all that good at interpreting meditation or dreams, not yet proficient with symbols and meaning. I rely heavily on a friend for this, but she may need a rest from me as I’m doing these meditations twice a week. So… if anyone out there has a better explanation for what this could mean I’m happy to hear it.

January 14^th 2013 (Monday)

As usual I was really looking forward to today’s session. Not as much as my friend though, who turned up early to call for me while I was still trying to post a blog about my experiences at the Living With Intention lecture with Lynne McTaggert on Friday night.

            The welcome at Oak Centre was warm, as was the house, and it had been a pleasure to listen to my friend talk about how much he’d enjoyed Friday night, and how amazed he was by his accuracy with telepathy.

            The room was arranged differently (table at opposite end of the room) so we were facing away from the window. It all became clear when Mary brought out a large candle, a bubbling one, a bit like a lava lamp but with much smaller and friskier bubbles. Powered by batteries it changed colours through the rainbow spectrum and also included white. It was going to form part of our first meditation, hence being out of the direct sunlight.

            ‘Any interesting experiences with spirits last week?’ Mary enquired after our opening prayer, performed by one of the members.

            We all shared things that were significant for us. For me and my friend it was the telepathy and healing of the previous Friday with Lynne McTaggert Mary then suggested we meditate by focusing on the candle, opening our eyes to begin with, but closing them if it became more comfortable or appropriate to do so.

            Most times my meditations make some sort of sense to me, but this one neither made sense to me, or to the others.

            In the bubbles I saw an explosion. I kept telling myself that I was overlaying my own thoughts onto the candle because the bubbles were quite explosive at times. As I closed my eyes I felt a sensation like cobwebs had been dropped onto my face and tried to wipe them away. When I settled again I became aware of pain in my hands, from wrists down which intensified as I focused on them. In my head I had the thought that a soldier had been trying to diffuse a device and his hands had been blown off.

            Once that thought occurred to me – again an odd one which I couldn’t imagine why I was thinking it – I felt a tightening in my chest, mildly painful, but not as painful as my hands. When we came out of the meditation all painful sensations left my body.

            I was surprised during the feedback at what pleasant experiences the other had had. Mary apologised that I’d had such and unpleasant time, and said it was probably a soldier who just wanted to share his pain and I’d made myself available on an energetic level to do that for him.

            Our second activity was giving messages using colours. Mary supplied us with swatches of coloured ribbon in many shades of the rainbow. Working in pairs each person had to choose three colours and the other had to pass on a message relating to each colour or the three as a whole. We used crystals to decide who would work with whom, and would you believe, me and my friend were working together again.

            I really had to work hard to move my self out of the way and allow spirit to talk because of our friendship, and the fact that I know a fair bit about colours and the meanings and energy of each one. Thankfully we don’t know each other so well for him not to get meaningful messages from spirit.

            We were waiting for Mary to tell us when to switch over, so consequently when she called the session to an end he’d not had an opportunity to practice using the colours.

            If anyone out there can shed any more light on the meaning of my soldier meditation I’d be more than grateful to receive your comments.           

January 10^th  2013 (Thursday)

Mary, the curator, administrator and facilitator at Oak House had suggested I try both the Monday and Thursday open circles to see which suited me best.

On my first visit to the Thursday one, the first major difference I noticed was that there were:

 a. more people -11 altogether although chairs were put out for 15

 b. there were more men – 4 including the facilitator

It didn’t feel as relaxed as the Monday group, not unfriendly, just not as relaxed. One of the men took me aside and welcomed me formally. I thought he was the facilitator but found out later he wasn’t. Members were not wedded to specific chairs and I was able to sit anywhere that wasn’t already occupied.

When we began the facilitator, Greg,  asked for my name and mentioned to the group that I’d been coming to the Monday circle. I rushed to add that I was very much a novice. He said that was fine, that we all start that way. Although there was a lot of experience in the group, there were also some newer people, alas they didn’t identify themselves so I didn’t know who they were, but the level of experience became evident as the session went on.

We began with a prayer, followed by a guided meditation which Greg, said was a meditation for 2013, and had been given to him in his own meditation. It involved walking down a path, coming to a crossroad, observing any signs and picking up something that was lying on the floor. Moving on and coming to another crossroad where there was a table on which we had to leave something before moving on again. We had to think about what time of the year we hit the crossroads etc.

My path was an ordinary one, you know, asphalt and concrete, nothing spectacular like a yellow brick road or a candy lined grove. At the first crossroad I saw a sign with my name on and an arrow pointing straight on. On the floor was a twenty pound note and a thick silver cross on quite a thin silver chain. I picked them both up and headed to the next cross road. When he said to put something down that you no longer want to carry forward I found myself putting down the twenty pound note and the cross on the chain. There was a part of my brain straining against this decision, especially parting with the money, but that’s what felt right and I duly deposited them and crossed over, carrying on straight. I eventually came to the sea, it just opened up at the end of the lane, white sands and blue, blue sea that felt like home.

At the end of the meditation Greg asked each of us in turn to relay our experience, and offered us an interpretation based on messages from his guide.

For me the twenty pound note represented the material world which could feel like a chain around my neck. I picked it up in March. By the time I came to the second cross road in July I realised that the emphasis I’d put on material things was unfounded. I’d learned to trust that what I needed would be provided when I needed it. Yes, it felt like a wrench but I followed my intuition and let go, and found myself in a calm place.

Later, when he’d interpreted everyone’s meditation one of the other participants, a very experienced member interpreted Greg’s. He then asked us all to pick a card from Stephen Farmer’s Power Animal Oracle Cards pack, and said the card would relate in some way to the meditation.

I picked the antelope, which means decisiveness ‘make a decision and take appropriate action.’ He said the antelope is an animal that’s preyed upon and therefore is very alert. When it feels it need to take action it does so instantly and decisively. He said that’s why I didn’t turn left or right at the crossroads but kept going. Whatever I have planned for 2013 the message is to keep going. I’m on the right path.

The differences between the groups were interesting. Both started and closed with prayers. Both are concerned with our spiritual development, but one is very much leader lead while the other is more experiential.

There was a fair amount of discussion about how people were experiencing spirit. One member was becoming more clairvoyant and was gradually accepting it, it was less frightening than she expected. Another was experiencing more clairaudience; still another said her sense of smell had sharpened in the last few weeks.

There was no opportunity to work with anyone as in the Monday group to practice my own skill, but I learned a lot from the discussions, especially how to move out of the way to work with spirit in trance. It’s very similar to the process of moving out of the way when writing to allow the characters to speak, and not try to impose on them what I think they ought to be saying.

            If you have an alternate interpretation of my meditation I’d love to hear it.

January 7 2013  (Monday)

The Christmas decorations had been cleared away, a very refreshed and relaxed Mary opened the door and wished me and a friend I’d brought along, Happy New Year. We all had stories to tell, mine was that the most significant thing that happened to me linked to the last session.

Although I’d intended to take a break between the end of Never On Sunday, (my third novel which I sent out to readers on the 20^th of December) and beginning the new parenting book on the 7^th January, I felt driven to begin the Friday before New Year. As the structure unfolded and the characters began to form I realised that I needed a ‘super’ person or thing to deliver some important messages to parents and children. As I pondered this I called a friend to talk it through with her.

‘How about using an animal?’ she asked.

‘Animal?’ she wasn’t getting it. Whatever I use needed to come through the air.

‘Yes, you could use the qualities of the animals to show what qualities the parents needed at that particular time.’

It was a brilliant idea but it needed to be something that came through the air like a… butterfly.

I suddenly understood the significance of the butterfly showing up so often on the web and in the cards. (See Blog entry 1 Giving In) Although my friend suggested the eagle (to aggressive) and the owl (only comes out at night not so readily visible) I knew, that kind of knowing that comes from somewhere inexplicable that it was the butterfly. Interestingly since that day I haven’t got the butterfly card or picked it out on the web.

There was a new face and a missing one from the previous session. This time it was my friend who had to introduce himself, and he was equally warmly welcomed. The prayer was for a joyous 2013 and the meditation about forgiveness, about finding peace though forgiveness, which would have been right at home in A Course In Miracles.

The exercise was getting messages from tea leaves, a practice that’s been dying out with the advent of tea bags. However, Mary made a big pot of tea with loose leaves and those of us who didn’t want to drink it simply swirled our cup around three times, tipped out the fluid and attempted to get messages for our partners from the shape of the leaves in the cup.

Initially I was paired with my friend, two novices who also knew each other was not a great combination, and although I could see the shapes of countries in the leaves I believed I was making it up, because I knew he wanted to travel. I could also see a bull and a lady and thought that perhaps he would go to Spain (later we agreed he may meet a Taurean woman).

Anyway we swapped and I had to read for someone I didn’t know. It took a while before I was confident enough to try to describe what I was seeing, partly because she was so accurate with things from my cup. Lots of birds and aeroplanes, a Statue of Liberty, palm trees, and again many more things that made sense then that I’ve forgotten now. The problem was that we were trying to read for each other at the same time and I was so busy trying to make sense of her leaves that I couldn’t concentrate on what she was saying to me.

Anyway, I found myself asking her if she had a garden that needed work doing on it, whether her husband helped and when she affirmed he did I told her he needed to lighten up a bit and not take himself so seriously. I saw that she had a project that she would begin and would think at some point that it wasn’t working, but that she should continue because it would become part of something bigger. I saw her walking away from a flaming building toward a figure, and knew that she needed to walk away from an old flame who would be happy for her to stay. Se nodded confirmation. I also saw but could not interpret the Tarot card 9 of Pentacles, which Sam or resident Tarot specialist interpreted as using her inner knowing in a project she was beginning, that her success would be based on something only she knew.

I think, given more time, I would have become more confident at interpreting what the pictures meant, instead of just describing them. I think I need to develop an understanding of the symbolism of the pictures. Even as I write this I heard a voice in my head say ‘what you need to do is move yourself out of the way and allow the words to come.’

Here’s my question. If you’ve experienced this, how long did it take you to trust what came out of your mouth and not doubt it?

My friend discovered he’s very sensitive. After many years of scepticism he was like a mirror image of me the week before – dazed. I took him home and fed him chocolate biscuits and sweet tea to ground him. He’s definitely going again.

December 17^th 2012 (Monday)

It was the last session of the year and like everywhere else people were in the festive spirit (if you’ll excuse the pun). I rang the doorbell clutching my contributions to the festive fare to be consumed after out ‘sitting’.

It was an open circle and there were six other people besides me and the facilitator. An open circle means that people can come and go at will, as opposed to a closed circle where the same members meet every week, and are usually similar in ability. An open circle can very much be a mixed ability affair, as this one was. One participant is professional, and I recognised him as someone I had a reading from at the centre’s open day. He specialises in the Tarot. Three others were very experienced. One of the lesser experienced one had been coming to the circle for about five months and me, who had sat in a circle once.

Everyone was friendly and welcoming. The one man amongst seven women seemed relaxed and at home. In fact he was the professional.

As I tried to find a place to sit it became evident that participants tended to sit in the same place. New comers could sit in vacant places. I wondered if I would be moved around next time if someone else that is used to sitting in my place showed up. But I didn’t have time to worry about that. The facilitator, Mary, called us to order, a slim chatty woman of about fifty five who had easy words and easy movement.

She asked me to introduce myself and to tell the group why I’d come. It looked a bit like an AA group and I wanted to say ‘I’m Predencia and I’m a Psychic,’ but I didn’t. Instead I told them of the messages I’ve had over the years that I can read for others. Whenever I’ve visited a Mind Body Spirit fair or festival, readers have told me I should have a stall or table there. ‘You know you could be doing this,’ is a constant refrain.

That, coupled with seeing a shadow in my room when staying in bed and breakfast in Wales at the end of the summer, and later finding out that the shape and size perfectly fitted the landlady’s dead father was the final contributory factore. I’d heard myself telling her (words coming out before brain thought them) that he wanted her to know he was fine, and would always be looking out for her.

They laughed knowingly when I told them I thought I’d imagined the whole shadow thing, as if to say, ‘yes, we’ve all been there.’

I noted, only later, that no one else introduced themselves. Instead Mary asked one of the participants to say an opening prayer. She willingly asked for divine guidance for the session and that whatever we did would help to bring peace and healing to the world. I relaxed a little, only then realising how tense I’d become. I let go of a bit more fear.

This was followed by a meditation. Mary announced that we were going to be trying out a new piece of music and everyone agreed it sounded very much like Native American music, though we later found out it was Tibetan. Anyway, as I closed my eyes I immediately say a buffalo in front of them, it was so large that I blinked. He faded to make way for a host of other coming across a plain to form a semi-circle in front of me. Puzzled I asked (in my head) if they wanted me to talk to them. ‘No we want you to listen,’ one of them, I don’t know which, said.

‘OK I’m listening.’

‘We need you to write about us.’

‘Write about you? Why?’

‘We want you to write about us for children.’

‘Children!’ I almost laughed out loud. ‘I don’t write for children.’ I tried to put him straight. (I say him… but it was just a voice from somewhere).

‘We want you to use us to show spiritual principles,’ it carried on as though I hadn’t spoken.

That’s when I remembered that I was supposed to be open, not shutting anything out. It’s why I’d come to the circle and already I was saying NO.

‘OK.’ I said, and it was enough to appease them because they faded and I was left to think, ‘I have too many other books to get out of my head before I consider writing books for children.’

At the end of the meditation I shared this with Sam while Mary told us we would be working with crystal balls today. There was little preamble. As participants had forgotten to bring their own balls she said we’d have to use the three she had. One huge clear glass ball, a smaller glass one and an even smaller quartz crystal one.

The exercise was to work in pairs, one being reader and one sitter and then swap. The only instruction on how to use the balls was that we could either hold the smaller balls to see what we got kinaesthetically, or in our minds eye, or we could look directly into them to see what there was visually.

As there were insufficient balls for each pair it was decided that each pair would sit at the table and everyone would watch. I felt panic grip me but quickly worked out that there were seven of us, I wouldn’t have a partner, and I figured she wouldn’t ask me to do something so public on my first meeting. I relaxed and marvelled at what the others were able to sense from and see in the balls.

‘Are you going to have a go then,’ Mary said briskly to me when the last couple had finished.

‘I don’t have anyone to work with,’ was my fist wall of defence, which she quickly brushed aside with, ‘you can work with me.’

‘But I’ve never done this before.’ It sounded like a feeble wail.

‘Never mind, how about I do one for you, then you can see how you feel at the end of it?’ she said moving to sit at the table.

I got up and followed meekly. I was so nervous I couldn’t take in all she was saying to me. Something about one of my sons having some tears this year, and that 2013 would be a good year for me. There was much else, but none of it sunk in.

‘OK lets swap and you can do me,’ and that’s when she must have seen the rabbit in headlights look on my face.

‘What’s the worse that can happen?’ she asked sensing my reluctance.

‘I might not see anything.’ I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

‘Well if that’s the worse at least you will have given it a go, the best is that you could see something, you might get a message for me,’ she was very reassuring and I remembered that this was a time for facing my fears.

‘OK,’ I resigned, ‘ I’ll give it a go.’

‘Good girl,’ she said moving from reader to sitter.

I began by holding the small quartz ball as I’m quite kinaesthetic. I got the thought that I should tell her that Christmas was going to be fine this year, was going to be fun. It seemed like I was just making it up in my head and I was hesitant. The others were very encouraging and said to just say what came into my head, or just say what I saw; even if it didn’t make any sense to me it might to the sitter.

‘Don’t you usually enjoy Christmas?’ I asked her. ‘Because I’ve got the thought to tell you that Christmas is going to be good this year, that you’re going to enjoy it. Does that make any sense?’

‘It’s going to be different,’ she chuckled, ‘I’m going to spend it with my friend in Ireland. I’ve never been away for Christmas before.’

I was so shocked I couldn’t pick anything else up from the quartz ball.

‘Try looking into the clear ball,’ Mary said, and as I followed her suggestion I saw a torch, as clear as day I saw the shape of a torch in the ball. I said this and it made no sense to her, but the others in the group said it probably meant that she needed to shine her light more to get out there more and use her skills more widely.

Then I saw a pair of what looked like Wellington boots. That made sense. Her friend had suggested she brings a pair of boots with her and she was debating whether to bother. She would definitely be taking a pair now. Then I saw what I thought were three dots of light in the ball, but every time I spoke about them I heard myself saying it was a spinning circle of light. It didn’t make sense to anyone, and I couldn’t see anything else. I got a little applause and felt ten feet tall, more for the fact that I took the risk and actually saw something that made sense than for achieving anything profound.

As we walked away from the table one of the others, Petra, asked if I knew someone called Ivy. ‘

I’ve been meaning to call my Aunt Ivy whom I’ve not spoken to in many years.’ I told her, ‘it on my list of thing to do before the end of the year.’

‘Call her today,’ she said.

Mary called us to a close circle for the final meditation in which we had to hold hands, connect with divine healing light, bring it down through our bodies and send it round the circle. As we began doing this I understood the significance of the spinning circle of light in the crystal ball, and almost freaked out as I realised I’d seen something that had not yet happened. The others all agreed and said they hoped I’d keep coming. I was still a little dazed as I munched into mince pies and found out that another member of the group, Beth, also writes erotic novels.