Writing Creatively With Spirit

A journey of psychic discovery


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Session 30 – Very touchy feely

May 16th 2013 (Thursday)2002-01-01 00.00.00-1442

We were nine tonight, two men and seven women. I was on a high from the day from a lot of clearing. I threw out five bags of cassette tapes – yes and many of those were recorded psychic readings. Oh how things have changed, now I do the psychic readings. And I was really looking forward to practicing some more tonight.

However, as I walked into the log cabin the chill made me reach for my jacket, one of those situations where it was warmer outside.

As we waited for everyone to arrive I could feel the energy draining out of me. By the time we got to the first meditation I was asleep through most of it. It was a colour one where we had to visualise the colours of the rainbow and then see them swirling around us. Mine became a vortex which pulled me in and sent me to sleep.

I could barely keep my eyes open during the feedback, which didn’t go unnoticed. Someone requested that we do the meditation to meet our guides. As Greg began, I realised that its one we’ve done before, only in that one I was much more awake, so much so I was flying around the room.

Anyway, we went to a cottage and sat in a chair and waited for our guide to reveal him/her/it self to us from the feet upwards. I saw nothing. I kept hoping that maybe by the time we got to the head that I’d see something. But no, zilch, nada, nothing.

The only things I experienced were the tingling around my third eye, which is the sign my grandmother uses to let me know her energy is around me, and someone stroking my cheeks. This was so soothing that I fell asleep again.

After the feedback we were a little stuck for something to do, so Greg suggested we had a go at psychometry. He handed over a set of keys to one of group and asked for a message. It took a while coming as the person had been put on the spot, but Greg said it made sense to him.

He, the reader, had to give something to someone else. She gave him a message and passed something to another person. By this time I felt almost comatose. I was struggling to keep my eyes open. The level of energy in the room felt low, several people had said they felt unpleasant physical symptoms during the second meditation, and I really couldn’t concentrate.

I apologised to Greg, said I wasn’t feeling well and needed to leave. Said goodbye to everyone and headed home.

As I drove home my spirits gradually lifted. Could this heavy energy have anything to do with the fact that I’ve been doing a lot of clearing out, spring cleaning and throwing out lots of things that I once held dear? Or could it be something else. And why did it descend when I was in the room, and lift when I left?

 

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Only one spirit

15th May 2013

I first encountered spirit in July 2003 in a Louise Hay teacher training course. It was a physical encounter which I could not deny. Prior to that I didn’t believe in spirit.

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1433Since then I’ve been trying to get my head around all the different forms of spirit. Did angels exist? I got heavily into angel cards, learned about the Archangels and all the major and minor ones. I became a Reiki practitioner and connected with the healing spirits. I learned about fairies and elementals, about the spirits of nature, and about ascended masters.

When I first got evidence of the spirit of deceased members of my family I was initially very afraid, and would call on the angels to protect me from other kinds of negative spirits.

When I was finally dragged kicking and screaming to the psychic development circles it was because things I’d written about in my second novel were becoming manifest in real life, like I was watching an unfolding of my story. Some of this has also started to happen with my third, yet to be published novel. I found this very spooky, and even began to worry in case I wrote ill of someone and it happened.

In the circles we’ve been taught about connecting to our guides, and through Shamanism I’m learning about animal spirit as guides.

Add to the mix the fact that I’m an A Course in Miracles student where one of the central teachings is that we are one with God, that our higher Self has direct connection to God and freely communicates with him/her/it, and that time spent in communion with God is all the guidance we need, and you can see that I was getting a little confused.

Different people from the different groups gave me their interpretation of spirit but there was no-one connecting up all the dots for me. I decided to meditate on it.

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1401What I got two days ago was that there is only ONE spirit that it has different aspects to it, and that when we ‘connect’ with it we are connecting with that part that we need at that moment. Spirit is part of us and we are part of it. My higher Self is that spirit, and my higher Self knows all that was, is and will be – past, present and future.

What I realised in this meditation is that when I’ve talk about ‘spirit overload’, i.e. getting messages all the time in different formats such as dreams, visions, meditations and in writing till I’m exhausted, that I’m actually bringing this on myself. There are no external spirits piling it in till I’m weighed down.

In circle the advice was to ask spirit to go easy. Dave Scullen advised that I visualised a tap on full speed and then turn it down. The former didn’t work but the latter did. That’s what got me thinking. Did I do it or did spirit do it?

Spirit is not an external part of me, another person, another entity living somewhere else who visits me from time to time. Spirit is a part of me that I’ve just discovered how to access, and like a child in a sweetshop I’ve been grabbing at everything – all that time. This is one of my personality traits. When I get excited about something I tend to overdo it and often get worn out, before I learn how to pace myself.

So this is really about me regulating my access, and not being afraid that it’s going to go away if I don’t grab it all now. I’m not being ‘speeded up’ as one of my friends suggested. I’m speeding myself up.

What I stumbled on accidentally, unconsciously, with the writing, I can do consciously through meditation. I’m understanding more what Lynne McTaggart means by intention meditation.

It’s like writing your shopping list before you go shopping instead of going with a big trolley and no list. There will be plenty to choose from in the shop, and you’ll come home with some exciting things and maybe some basic things. And when you get them home you’ll work out what to do with them. You may even have been working out as you went around the shop what could be used for what.

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1443But if you go to the supermarket knowing a) what you want, and b) that they have it your time in there will be more productive (so long as you don’t get side-tracked). You can go to the right aisles, straight to the correct shelves – and if you don’t know you can always ask and get directions.

That’s what happens in circle meditations where we’re asked to focus on a specific person for messages. Much easier that picking things up randomly and hoping someone will be able to ‘take’ it.

Meditation is conscious connection with spirit, with my higher Self, with the spirit of all who have ever inhabited a body on this earth and those who haven’t. When I connect with my grandma, I’m re-connecting with that part of me that once inhabited that body, that has the wisdom and the strength that is available to me, always has been available and always will be available.

When I fell asleep at the laptop while I was writing the novel I connected with the writing spirit part of me that continued to write the story.

This may all seem self-evident to you but to me this is a mystery solved. Angels, guides, universal Reiki energy, ancestors, spirit animals – all one – and all me.

So what can I do with this knowledge? Well, when I have an issue – any issue – big or small, I can go to the place where all the answers are. Instead of flapping around in my little self I can go to my higher Self and ask for the answer. I can call on whichever part I think will have the best chance of getting me the answer, my grandmother, Buddha, Shakespeare, Jesus and other ascended masters, wolf, owl, rabbit, or Archangel Michael.

I can learn to trust that the answer will always be there and be patient enough to wait for it to become evident.

I can stop fearing that my writing is in some way prophetic and stop trying to censor what I write in case I bring on some apocalyptic event, or hasten someone’s demise. Very liberating! Comments welcomed PLEASE!


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Session 29 – Woodlands and fairies

May 13th 2013 (Monday)

Tim had an audition in London so couldn’t make today’s circle. He text me about 10.30 to say he was just passing through West Brompton. I said I hoped the vibes were good.

Anyway, back to the circle. There were seven of us, six regulars and a returnee who has not been for a long time, all women. That’s a first for me.

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1448

After the opening prayer we spent quite a while talking about mediumship malpractice. Mary outlined a few cases where clients have been left distraught by unprofessional readings and have called her for reassurance. She even told of one medium who was now in prison for unprofessional physical conduct with his female clients.

I listened to the gasps of horror and the ‘serves him right,’ and couldn’t help but wonder if we were being a little judgemental. What I mean is that we all have a purpose here, and each has an individual journey. I suggested that perhaps this medium needed to use his gifts in prison – maybe that’s part of his soul’s journey. If it is (and why wouldn’t it be if he’s there?) then he had to do something to get him there.

I think sometimes when we hear of human suffering we want to be compassionate to the people who have suffered, which makes us less so of the ones who have caused the suffering. But each has a unique place in God’s heart and I don’t believe it is for us to judge until we’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes.

So, stepping gently off my soap box….

The next exercise was a meditation lead by Jill, one of the members. I think Mary’s asking the more experienced members to take meditations to give them practice, and to add variety to the group.

‘You find yourself in a wood,’ Jill said, following the deep breathing relaxation she took us through.

‘You see a rickety house in the distance. Walk up to the house. Push the door open. Inside looks a little unkempt. You see something in the room that you’ve lost. What is it?’

I saw an old hairbrush that I haven’t seen in years. I don’t even use a hairbrush anymore because my hair is in locks. But there it was. I picked it up and ran my fingers over the plastic teeth. It wasn’t even a valuable one. There was something comforting about finding it though.

‘Now you notice a door to the side of the room. Open the door and go down the stairs into the basement, into the cellar. It’s quite dark down there, but as your eyes become accustomed to the dark you see huddled in the corner your resistance bully. This is the bully that tells you “you can put it off till tomorrow” or “you don’t have to do this bit” or “what’s the use?” or “You’re too tired.’ This is the bully that has pushed you around and stopped you progressing in so many areas of your life. Well now you are in charge. See it for what it is. Look at it cowering.’

As I looked in the corner I saw a big orange blob, and slowly a head and a couple of arms emerged from it. It was male, and it didn’t look me in the eye. I had no fear of it, but I was very curious as to why it looked like a giant Fanta bubble with arms and legs.

‘Tell you resistance bully that it no longer have any hold over you, that you’re strong enough now to manage without it.’

I said the words but it felt like a conversation I’d had previously.

‘Now wrap your resistance bully in a ball of light, and add a ball of pink light around it. Then walk back up the stairs. Look around the room, what do you notice? Now walk back out the door and back into woods.’

That was it before we had to come back into the room.

During the feedback some people said they found lost toys, pieces of jewellery or other artefacts. Jill said my hairbrush was connected to one of my grandmothers.

Some people experienced the bully as frightening at first but was able to tame it (so to speak) and leave it in a bubble of love. One person couldn’t picture a bully at all.

Some experienced the room as brighter and more organised on the way out, but it looked pretty much the same to me.

Our second activity was to do a three card reading using fairy cards after Mary explained that some people see fairies and elementals as second class spirits, but in her eyes they had equal status with all spirit forms.

We each choose our cards and worked in pairs to do a reading for each other.

Fairy card reading

Fairy card reading

I got ‘Quiet Time,’ ‘Rise above Problems,’ and ‘Financial Flow.’ The person I was working with commented on the orangey glow of the first card, rustic quiet orange. See, this shade of orange I can handle, it’s the very bright shade that gives me a headache and makes me want to reach for my shades. Dave’s advice about sitting with orange was still going through my head.

(DOH!! As I write this I realise that I haven’t actually asked spirit to show me what the meaning of the thing with orange is. I know it sounds weird but I’ve just had a thought that it’s about letting go. But letting go of what? Something else for me to explore in my quiet time.)

Anyway, the second card and third cards were very reassuring. In fact, sometimes when I dance with a veil I look a little like the fairy in the second card. And bring on the financial flow. She pointed out that the fairy was spiralling into gold, and that there were other fairy helpers along the way.

Fairy card reading

Fairy card reading

I was more than happy with my reading, and tried to interpret her cards for her. They made sense for her. She’s just become a partner in an environmental recycling company. The message was that it would be successful but would take more of her time than she was envisaging at the moment. She needs to take the extra  time she has now (she’s working part-time) to really get out and have more fun, connect with her inner child and stop worrying so much. She needs to trust more, that what she wants will be there when she needs it, and it is in the trust that her transformation will take place. She can’t have one foot in the water and one out. She needs to step out and know that spirit are taking care of her.

What I’m finding after 29 of these sessions is that I’m not as hesitant about saying what comes into my head. It does help of course that we’re reading for people who also understand what the cards mean and are open to spiritual growth. The real test will be on people who don’t go to circle.

As usual, if you see anything that I’ve missed (and that’s often plenty) please let me know. I am going to check out orange again, and reflect on what I’m meant to let go of.


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What colour is your aura?

Mine is white, indigo, violet, blue and green. That’s what the aura and chakra photos I had taken yesterday showed. The photos took a couple of seconds, the interpretation nearly an hour.

My aura photo 7th May 2013

My aura photo 7th May 2013

Anna-Maria of Shen Point (email delluomoannamaria@yahoo.co.uk) who did the analysis (reading) told me my chakras were unbalanced. Too much going on in the head and not enough in the heart. I needed to do more to open my heart. I was gob-smacked. There was such a massive shift on Sunday in the heart area. But then I remembered the dream on Sunday night with Gary Ranard telling me to do more exercises and meditations to open my heart. See blog Graveyards and pigeons.

My chakra photo 7th May 2013

My chakra photo 7th May 2013

Also my sacral chakra was blocked. I need to get rid of anything superfluous in my life, and to eat foods that will aid bowel action.

Much of what she said was very accurate. The only points I couldn’t agree on were those to do with health issues in my body. I’m pretty healthy and nothing untoward has been showing up.

Anyway, in a nutshell, because I’m sure you don’t want to be bored with the whole hour’s worth I’m to:

  • Do more exercises to open the heart. (The fact I had white around the green means that the process has already started.)
  • Learn to love unconditionally. Have no expectations of those I love, let them go every day. If they stay it’s because they want to. (So easy to say, so challenging to practice)
  • Take more rest, as the spiritual work, which is very intense at the moment,v is draining my energy and I’m not sleeping enough to replenish it.
  • Get out more and have more fun, an essential counterbalance to all the spiritual work.
  • Mix more with people in a social way. The writing is great, but it is isolating.
  • Get back on stage with drama and dance.
  • Clear out physical and emotional clutter.

Well, I’m taking heed. The diary is filling up quickly with social engagement. Anyone up for a night out?

I know some of you reading this are experts on chakras and colour, so if you want to add any comment about what you can see I’d be happy to hear it.

I really do value you comments.


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Session 28 – Crystal ball, candles and ‘don’t change that title’

2nd May 2013 (Thursday)

Six women and three men headed for the log cabin at the end of the garden for tonight’s circle meeting. The glorious May weather commanded an outdoor experience.

Crystal ball

Crystal ball

One of the men, a very gifted medium had not been for over three months due to illness and other issues. I’d only seen him the first two weeks of Thursday circles. As he was being introduced to our newest member of the group he shook her hand and immediately asked, ‘Who’s had an accident with the car?’

Completely taken aback she replied, ‘My car rolled down a slope and crushed the back end of my daughter’s car.’

For the next fifteen minutes he gave her fact after fact about her family and herself, some of which she was able to confirm and others he advised her to go and check, as they were about her grand-father and great grand-father.

After that sizzling start where the rest of us were in awe, and maybe a little envious of all the fantastic messages, Greg went straight into our opening meditation. The guides and helpers were duly summoned to aid and protect us before he told us to focus on getting a message for someone in the group, or for ourselves for the second part of the meditation.

‘Focus on your third eye,’ he said, ‘see a deep blue crystal in front of your third eye building the energy around it.’ He then moved to the throat chakra and asked us to visualize a paler crystal, again building energy around the throat, then to focus on getting a message for someone.

Candle

Candle

I chose a young woman that I knew very little about having only seen her twice at circle. I found it hard to concentrate at first as my mind kept wandering to an incident from the afternoon that had angered me so much it manifested as a nosebleed. I’d been in such a bad mood I’d even contemplated not bothering with circle tonight, then realised that I probably really needed it.

I asked my guides to help me focus, and eventually saw the young woman pushing a wheelbarrow full of brick up a garden path. It was a real struggle for her, but when she got to the other end the bricks were used to build a barbeque, and a real party atmosphere ensued. I saw yellow, gold and red balloons floating up into the air, and later, as the night drew in, the embers glowed and the little dog stopped its excited yapping, Chinese lanterns were released. I got four names.

During the feedback someone else in the group who knows her well said it made perfect sense, that she had a bit of a struggle coming up but had been told that by September there would be much happier times.

Two people got messages for me, one saw me in a very quiet place sitting at a table writing furiously. I told her I’d just come back from a quiet break in Wales but that I had deliberately stopped myself from touching the keyboard to write. She said I wasn’t at the keyboard, I was writing with a pen on paper. That’s when I remembered that while I was away I did a lot of journaling, which I write by hand.

The gifted medium also had asked for a message for me, and gave me fifteen minutes worth (be careful what you wish for), 90% of it extremely accurate. He asked if I wrote poetry, and had I had some published. I said ‘yes’.

He said ‘you’ve written a special poem for a special person recently haven’t you?’

‘Yes,’ I stuttered, wondering if he was about to disclose the content and to whom, but I breathed a sigh of relief as he continued. He told me that I like to be by the sea, was inspired by it but was afraid to get into it beyond my waist.

‘Do you have a crystal ball?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ I said.

‘Do you see things in it?’

‘I used to, until I went on a course to learn how to use it properly and then stopped seeing anything at all.’

‘I think you should try using it again. You’ll probably find that you’ll be able to see things again.

He then went on to talk about the significance of a candle, and I told him that I often write with a lit candle, and that the candle was next to the crystal ball. If felt as if he was looking into my personal space.

The thing that threw me the most though was when he asked if I’d been asked to write a new book.

‘Yes,’ I admitted, I began it this week.

‘Have you been thinking of changing the title?’

‘I haven’t got a title for the new book yet,’ I explained, ‘but yesterday I questioned whether I should change the title of the one I’ve just finished.’

‘Don’t,’ he said, ‘they’re saying it’s the correct title.’

My jaw was hanging loose by this stage. Such a specific answer so quickly. There was much else, but after a while I became aware of the attention, and that other people had not had as much.

The rest of the time was taken up with discussing the way spirit works with us. One person described her dream of diesel being put into a petrol car, and half an hour after having the dream her husband called to say he’d put petrol in her diesel car. A long discussion followed where various dreams were shared, along with spirits many and varied ways of getting our attention. Like tapping people on the shoulder, poking them in the side, pulling their hair, moving things, through electrical equipment, through their cars etc.

The time went by so quickly that we didn’t have time for another meditation. And to think I considered not going.


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Session 27 – Picture this

April 29th 2013 (Monday)

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1346After my week in Wales in (almost) solitude, pretty much talking to spirit morning, noon and night, it was exciting to be joining others to share the experience. No Tim today. I’m not sure if the novelty’s worn off or if he’s weighed down with work. It’s unlike him not to call me or to respond to my call. I hope he’s alright.

I was looking forward to today’s session as we’d had a text from Mary toward the end of last week informing us that as she had a hospital appointment, and as she couldn’t vouch for the NHS’s flexible timing,  Zoe would be taking the session.  She also said a new lady would be joining us, that she was at university and wanted to include mediumship in her thesis. I was intrigued and was quite looking forward to meeting with this lady, not least because I’m toying with the idea of doing a doctorate in creative writing, and would like to look at the paranormal, as this feature strongly in my second novel Betrayed.

It may be just a small thing but the door was opened when I got there, so I let myself in and found the others in the conservatory. I can’t believe how excited I was to be back. Somehow this place is beginning to feel like a second home. Not just the building but the people in it are very welcoming. Zoe and Mary were there (NHS was flexible in Mary’s favour today), plus two others. After hugs and pecks on cheeks six of us settled in the main room to begin.

PICT2217After the opening prayer Zoe asked one of the other members to lead us through a relaxation meditation during which we heard the doorbell ring. Shortly afterwards someone else joined us. It wasn’t till we came round from the meditation that I noticed it was a new lady.

I was so chilled by then that I totally forgot to ask if she was from the university. In any case she didn’t appear to be from the university as she joined in and took part in our first activity.

Zoe gave us all an A4 piece of paper marked into four squares. Each one contained a shape (circle, triangle, X, long thin oblong)  from which we were to make drawing.

‘When you’ve done your drawings you’ll be working in pairs to give each other readings from your pictures,’ she said handing out clipboards and pens. My heart sank. I really am no artist.

In the silence which followed I drew a tree with deep roots,  leaves on the ground and a rounded top in the long thin oblong  square. In the X square I drew a noughts and crosses game with a boy and girl on either side. In the triangle square I drew a car going into a tunnel with the headlights on, and in the circle one a large face with a faint smile, freckles, with stubble on chin and head.

PICT2186I say this is what I drew because that’s what they were in my head. While my partner could make out three of them, the car going into the tunnel had to be explained, and I admired her restraint not to burst out laughing.

Hers was an ironing board, a Chinese man kneeling down with hands clasped as if in prayer, a plain open face with a single curl of hair that resembled a question mark, and a butterfly. I looked at both sets of drawing wondering what the hell we were going to make of them.

‘Shall I go first?’ my partner asked, and I was more than happy to let her. It would give me a bit more time to study her pictures and try to get something from them.

‘You’re very rooted,’ she began looking at the tree picture. ‘You’re a very giving person, even after the harvest is over you still provide for others. This is what these leave mean. Moving on to the noughts and crosses she said I had a very playful nature, but that I could, if I wanted to, play mind games with men. If I was doing that it was probably not a very helpful thing to do.

‘You’re going deeper into your spirituality,’ she said after silently observing the car picture for a while. ‘Sometimes it feel a little daunting, like you don’t know what you’re getting into, but you’ve trusted it this far and you can keep trusting it. The headlights are showing you the way, keep your eyes and ears open and you’ll have nothing to fear.

She had a little more difficulty with the face, not knowing if it was a genuine smile of if the person it represented was hiding behind a smile, not sure if it was me or someone else.

I guess I’m still a little surprised at how we reveal ourselves in the little things we do and say, and where we’re not very obvious spirit steps in and fill in the blanks. I wasn’t aware that I was playing mind games, but after she mentioned it I examined a situation I’m dealing with at the moment and realised that I’ve been accusing someone of playing mind games. I wondered it was that he’s the one playing mind games, or whether I need to examine myself a little more deeply. The other things all made sense.  I just hoped I could come somewhere close with my reading for her.

I began with the ironing board, a sigh of domesticity, and I was going to ask if she’s longing to get away from the drudgery of housework, but what came out of my mouth was,

‘You are very good at ironing out problems for other people, you  can see what needs to be done, and while you won’t push it down people’s throats they will respect your take on a problem. They won’t always take your advice but they will come for it.’

Do not ask me where that came from. She agreed and elaborated a bit more on what I’d said. The Chinese man was about spending more time in meditation, or at least going deeper in meditation, too much of her meditation was scratching around at the surface, more depth was required.

‘You’re a very open person,’ I told her looking at the face with the question mark curl, ‘what you see is what you get with you. Sometimes people can read you like a book, but that’s OK, being any other way wouldn’t feel right for you. The message here is that if you’ve been thinking that people take advantage of you because you are so open, and that you need to keep thing to yourself a little more – don’t. Stay open.’

‘When I first saw the butterfly I thought it was about your transformation, but I’ve just been told that you’re helping someone to transform, and in that you’re finding your own transformation.’

She filled in the missing bits in what was essentially an accurate reading. I realise that I am learning to trust more of what comes to me and not try to censor it.

2002-01-01 00.00.00-1370As if that wasn’t enough Zoe then asked us to focus on one person at a time and try to get messages about their spiritual as well as material development. We began with on only man as he had to leave early.  As there were seven of us it took some time and would take many words to describe in detail all the messages we got, suffice to say that everyone recognised and accepted something from everyone.

I’ve got past the stage where I thought people were probably doing it to be polite and not hurt feelings if the messages didn’t make sense. So many of the messages they gave to me made sense. One of the women said she saw an eagle and a hummingbird. They were the animal cards I drew this morning – she had no way of knowing that. One told me that I needed to believe I am as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside. I’ve been doing affirmations around this issue – she didn’t know that. One saw a white opening lotus as my spiritual message – spiritually I’m opening up. One saw me in a sequinned dress in September, one saw me under a spotlight, one saw someone putting money into my hands, another saw Archangel Michael with me and that he had a message for me – to ground myself (she wasn’t aware of the tree I’d drawn and the interpretation that had been made of it). ’ Another said she saw a long line of ancestors behind me, stretching in a long line, way, way, back.

I had the most amazing feeling that something beautiful is about to happen, especially when one said she saw traffic lights on amber and the message was ‘get ready’.

As you can tell, I was very, very excited. Worth a week of solitude to come back to this. I was so taken with all this activity that I completely forgot to ask about the woman from the university. Maybe she’ll come another day.

 

 


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Journey to meet my twin flame

Tuesday 16th April 2013

PICT1116I did this fantastic meditation from youtube, and was astonished to find that my twin flame is a little girl, dressed in yellow who offered me a yellow ribbon as a gift. I was lead to her by an old grey man. I think he’s the one that helped me with Betrayed. Not really sure how twin flames fit with A Course in Miracles. It was a nice meditation though. I felt very connected to this little girl, but it felt like she was the one protecting me instead of the other way round.

As requested Lizzie here’s the meditation

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmOSnUSOBAQ