Writing Creatively With Spirit

A journey of psychic discovery


Clutter Clearing and Writing

June 9th 2013

Ok, so this blog is about writing creatively with spirit, i.e. do my spiritual practices, including my communication with spirit, influence my writing?

At the end of April I completed the first draft of a book I was writing on parenting – Love is Not a Reward. It was my intention to begin writing a distance learning e-course for an educational establishment in the Caribbean at the beginning of May.

I’ve been struggling with the concept of how to present this course for over a year now, and as the time arrived for me to make a start on it I was no clearer about what to include or how to structure it.

Hunting the boxes for journals

Hunting the boxes for journals

One night I decided to write up the constellation events I’d attended for the blog. I knew the first one was in 2007/8 and headed to the loft to find the box with all my journals and diaries. After a quick look I realised it wasn’t in the 2007 one, and I couldn’t find the journals for 2008 or 2009.

I was very puzzled. I began hunting all over the house, even looking in places I knew they couldn’t possibly be. It was this search that began what was to become a month long process of clutter clearing.

It began with arranging my journals in date order. I’ve realised that I’m going to be relying on them more and more for information that I hadn’t considered significant at the time, but which I now understand were milestones in my spiritual development.

Then it progressed to peeking into other areas of the loft, into other boxes and bags, and making decisions about whether to keep items I haven’t looked at in over four years, books I didn’t even know I had, or certainly had forgotten I had, clothes not worn in years, again, items I’d forgotten I had.

The one thing I wasn’t expecting when I began the process was how much I’d learn about how our possessions define who we are. They are the very essence of our identity.

That dress I bought ten years ago that cost me a week’s wages that I wore once, but refused to throw out because it cost so much. The shoes that pinched my toes and gave me corns but that many people said looked lovely. It’s not that these things don’t fit me anymore (well actually the shoes never did) it’s that I kept them as a reminder of who I was. And that person is not who I am now.


Black bags of books

Black bags of books

With each thing I threw into plastic bags to donate to charity shops, I was making a statement of who I no longer was, and by default what I was keeping was also defining who I am.

While some things caused a little pang as they were dropped into the bag, it wasn’t until I came to deciding which books to throw out that I really began to question who I am. Some of the novels were not too big a wrench, all my Jane Gardams, the Wilt series etc. I reasoned with my scared hoarder that if I needed to read them again I could always borrow them from the library. And indeed A Course in Miracles says ‘nothing is lacking that is needed.’

The big tussle with a voice in my head came when it was time to make decisions about my spiritual and professional books. The conversation went something like this;

Voice: ‘You know you’re going to have to throw out all the books that no longer reflect who you are, don’t you?’

Me: ‘Yeah, I can see these books on angels, the Kabala, Buddhism, Reiki and so on need to go.’

Voice: ‘Do you understand why?’

Me: ‘Yeah, it’s not that I don’t believe in them anymore, it’s just that now I understand they are all one, all the same energy, I don’t need to keep so many books on all the different parts. They were great as part of my learning and development but, given that I need the space I don’t need to keep them anymore.’

Voice: ‘Great. And the professional books, you know they have to go as well don’t you?’

Me: ‘WHAT?’

Voice: ‘Yes, you heard me, the professional books.’

Me: ‘Which ones?’

Voice: ‘Any that doesn’t fit with who you are now and the way you practice now. Any that doesn’t address the spiritual aspect of your clients.’

Me: ‘That’s most of them.’

Voice: ‘My point exactly.’

Me: ‘But if I get rid of my psychology books, my counselling and coaching books, my working with bereavement books, my biology and nutrition books, how will people know who I am?’

Voice: ‘How do they know who you are now? Do you have them with you when you’re talking to someone at the supermarket? Do you have them displayed when you’re on the train, or at the airport, or on the beach? Do you have then when you sit in a bar and someone tells you their life story and ask for your help? Do you have them…?’

Me: ‘Alright, alright, I get it, but what if I need to look up something?’

Voice: ‘Tell me the last time you looked up something in one of those books?’

I thought for a moment, and for a moment longer, and honestly couldn’t remember. It was then that I realised how much of my identity was tied up with being a qualified, professional, practitioner. Despite the fact that when I work with people now I trust that my higher self speaks to their higher self and guides me to what is appropriate for them and for me, I still had the books as confirmation that I am a bona fide practitioner.

Me: ‘Ok. I’ll throw them out. I’ll only keep the ones that are consistent with who I am now.’

And so it was that I let go of books that have defined who I was for the last twenty years, and in the process redefined myself in much simpler terms as black, female, a writer and spiritual student and teacher.

It was a very liberating feeling to put the books into the bags and to feel that I was passing them on to someone else who needs them for that part of their journey. I was no longer attached to them.

A week later I when I went to my A Course in Miracles study group, I pulled a card and laughed out loud when I read what was on it.

‘Your worth is not established by teaching or learning. Your worth is established by God. …nothing you do or think or wish or make is necessary to establish your worth.’

Confirmation or what!!!

I have a friend who has a massive problem with clutter. I shared with her how I came to realise that our identities are tied up with what we keep and refuse to let go, even though we know they should go. It’s because we’re not ready to change the identity they represent.

More clutter to clear

More clutter to clear

Once I realised it was about identity change, I waded into many other things that wasn’t even on my original list. The question wasn’t ‘will it come in useful one day?’ but ‘does this fit with who I am now?’

What I thought would take a few days actually took the whole month.

At the beginning of June when I turned my attention back to the parenting course I was astounded that within an hour the structure of the course presented itself, along with content, chapter headings, modules and units.

I mentioned this to one of my sons. He asked, ‘do you think the clearing helped the course stuff to come in, because you’d cleared all that clutter out of your head?’

‘No, I think the course stuff was always there, clearing the clutter allowed me to see it.’

I believe as writers, artists, people trying to find solutions to problems, that when we clear the daily clutter out of our heads it enables us to see the solution, find the plot for the story, see the moves for the dance, find the right strokes for the painting, work out how to re-structure our finance and find the right words to soothe a fiery situation.

Sometimes clearing physical clutter can help with this process.

If you’ve had a similar experience or if you have issues with clutter I’d love to hear from you.



More dreams about weddings

June 3rd 2013

MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERAI’m not sure what’s going on but last night I dreamed that I was marrying a woman. I was wearing a long white fitted gown, the one I got married in last time. I had a massive bouquet which was handed to me at the last minute. It looked as though it had just been delivered by the florist and someone had taken off the cellophane wrapper. A gladioli flower gave it its length.

My bride was white, tall and quite plump. She was dressed in a short purple dress and wore a purple headdress. The wedding was taking place on a long street and we were at opposite ends. The minister was at her end. As s/he began to go through the vows we were still a long way from each other. We ran toward each other and swung each other around when we met. It felt like I was meeting her for the first time.

The people around us (about 30) cheered. One of my brothers shouted good luck wishes from the other side of a railing. He was the only member of my family there.

That’s where the dream ended, with the two of us swinging each other around.

Some sites suggest that marriage is about unifying different sides of yourself. This appears on the website http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_does_it_mean_to_dream_about_getting_married

‘Marriage signifies commitment, harmony or transitions. You are undergoing an important developmental phase in your life. The dream may also represent the unification of formerly separate or opposite aspects of yourself. In particular, it is the union of masculine or feminine aspects of yourself. Consider the qualities and characteristics of the person that you are marrying. These are the qualities that you need to look at in incorporating within yourself.’

First I dreamed I was getting married to God, integration of spiritual self, then to a friend. Could that mean that I’ve finally made friends with myself? Now I’m getting married to a woman. This may be another message about bringing more feminine energy into my life, truly accepting my femininity.

Could it also be about integrating the black and white side of me? Genetically I’m obviously mixed, but had never really thought much about my white genes until I did the work on slavery while writing Love is Not a Reward. Maybe I’m finally accepting all aspects of me.

I’ve just come through an intense period of house clearing – lots of clutter cleared and identity redefined. I’m going to write that up as a separate blog, but I feel that maybe that had something to do with this dream.

As always, I’d welcome any additional views on any part of the dream. Always eager to learn.

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Session 33 – Runes and condoms

June 3rd 2013 (Monday)

Today we played with runes and laughed a lot. Maybe it was the slight increase in number to eight, maybe it was the addition of some male energy in the shape of Tim, or maybe it was the very erotic rune cards and some frisky minds.


Open Doors within by Eileen Caddy

Open Doors within by Eileen Caddy

It began when Mary couldn’t find a piece of music she needed. Tim filled in as we waited with a tale about the birds in his garden rejecting the food from Poundland, whereas they gobbled up the stuff from Sainsbury’s. It veered from his impending complaint to the pound store to the gourmet tastes of his birds, and the fact they could be holding meetings to put in a complaint about him etc… etc. It was a good thing Mary had already opened the circle by asking us all to do a prayer; otherwise we may never have got going.

Open Doors within by Eileen Caddy

To bring some order back to the group she read us today’s message from

June 3rd extract from Eileen Caddy's book Open Doors Within

June 3rd extract from Eileen Caddy’s book Open Doors Within

Eileen Caddy’s book Open Doors Within. June 3rd is all about faith, trust and looking for answers in the silence. It’s about being the change on a personal level that you want to see in the world. ‘Get yourself sorted out first,’ she says, then spirit ‘can use you to help and serve your fellow human beings.’

We all said it was true and it had the desired effect of sobering us up for our main activity, which was doing reading from runes.

As not many people remembered to bring their runes Mary decided to do three rune readings for each person in a large group. It was an unusually difficult set to read, and not helped by the fact that the pack contained runes that were not on the key she’d issued us with.

Despite this it was amazing how often two runes came out for different members of the group.

GEBO – It is union, partnership of any sort but you must keep your individuality and self-confidence. For this is the rune of freedom’

THURISAZ – The door is its symbol. Then, observe every moment, every detail. Think it over and get free from your ghosts. Then cross the borders,’

In addition to the two above I also got INGUZ – Claims you to split up relationships or old habits – you are ready for a new start; even for a new child. The meantime could be dangerous. So, keep your good mood.’

In truth it was a little bitty, with people trying to first make out which rune it was and then trying to make sense of the interpretations, some of which was quite brutal. For example, NAUTIZ – ‘Your dark sides block you and make you weak. Investigate what makes you so attractive to bad luck.’

The one that made the most sense to me was INGUZ, especially in light of my dreams about moving and babies.

One member had brought in a set of rune cards. They were much easier to read and had the most beautiful and erotic images. The group erupted again when the meaning of my card was being read. I heard the word ‘protection’ and sniggered.

‘Why did you laugh?’ Mary asked.

I hesitated a second before admitting, ‘There a red hot man on this care and I’m being told about protection, just wondered if I had any in my handbag.’

Well, the innuendoes flew as everyone looked at the card. Wish I’d taken a photo. By the time we came to saying the closing prayers (again all taking turns) someone asking God to help out with my stock for my handbag.

I so needed a laugh, hadn’t thought it was have been at circle. Loved it!